Fit. I have been feeling fit again. Finally. I know I still have at least 5lbs to lose. However, I noticed yesterday that I look and feel a little more muscular. I don’t want to be just thin or skinny. That has never been my ultimate goal. I like being and looking toned. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn at rest. A pretty common factoid, I know. It also just looks nice to have a little definition to your body. I was going to point out the areas I am particular about, but listing them out made me realize that I am particular about them all! Arms, abs, back, upper legs, lower legs, my bootay. I like them all looking and feeling firm.

So, being pregnant and soft was difficult for me. If my posts haven’t conveyed that already, there it is stated plain and simple. It was a rough emotional journey for me. I WANTED to get pregnant more than anything in the world. I WANTED to be a momma. I prayed and dreamed of Jackson for well over a year and a half! Then I got pregnant, finally. I couldn’t wait to show and have a belly. Then the belly came and that was fine. But other things expanded, even though I worked out 5-7 days a week still! Those hormones are no match for yoga or cardio. I didn’t gain too much weight, thankfully, but no matter what you have to gain some when growing a baby. Then you have the baby and everything is just mushy and soft. THAT was rough for me. What happen to that muscular body I once possessed!?!? I was rather shocked at how mushy I felt. Which made me even harder on myself.

Fitness can be measured. All through elementary, middle, and high school we are given Physical fitness tests in Gym. You win awards, I always pushed for winning the President’s award. I would be so proud of myself if I scored in the boys’ charts instead of the girls’ charts. It can be measured as an adult, you run 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, marathons. You can complete triathlons, biking competitions, etc. There are all sorts of way to measure your physical fitness.

I don’t think it stops there though. It isn’t only a tangible thing. It is also a mentality. Just because you can finish first in your age group doesn’t mean you always feel fit or fit at all. I am my hardest critic. I admit that regularly. I am aware that I am incredibly hard on myself, and not only in the fitness area. As a mom I am hard on myself, I feel like I could always do a little more. As a crafter I always think my stuff stinks or could be improved. I won’t list every way, but you get the point. After having the baby I did not feel fit. It did not matter that I was 4 days past my due date and still went to my prenatal aerobics swim class, came home, and went into labor. I pushed the baby out (my first baby) in 40 minutes. Did not matter. I felt like a big mushy piggy.  But when I was my fittest before getting knocked up, I didn’t feel fit either. If I skip a day of working out I feel like a sluggish, unfit slob. That was the same before as well.

Am I a bit addicted to working out, like my husband recently stated? Probably. I don’t have time for it to reach an unhealthy level. I don’t have time to workout for many hours a day. It can’t get out of control because of that. So if you are physically fit, in the ways it can be measured, but you don’t feel or see yourself that way, what do you do? How do you achieve that point of view? I don’t have an answer for that. If I did I would never let myself feel unfit. Ha!

I am finally beginning to feel fit again. I don’t feel 100% how I want to, although, will I ever? I think for me the answer lies in losing it and having to work hard to get it back. You know, the old adage, you don’t know what you have until it is gone. It was gone, faded away, and I have had to bust my ass to get it back. Literally.

I have about 5 pounds to lose. 4 1/2 months after having my baby I have 5lbs left. I keep hearing how well I am doing, because it usually takes a year to lose the weight and I am not even at 6 months. Do I believe this? No. BUT I can see my old self reemerging. This is huge. It is a huge boost to that fit mentality. I know I can always be a little better, a little fitter. I will always feel that way.

I measure it by timing my runs, how much I can lift, how easier certain pilates move get. There is major improvement in all areas. In the measured sense I am fit. I know this. I was never really unfit during and after pregnancy because I maintained working out. In the mental sense I am just reaching that summit. A happy summit, where I fell more confident in my appearance. For now at least. In a few weeks or months I will present myself with another fitness challenge. I will want to reach a new goal, in whatever area it is. Then I will be hard on myself, I will reach it, I will be satisfied, then I will set a new goal. So goes the fitness merry-go-round. Always on my toes, always trying to be just a little bit fitter, stronger, better. If you get too comfortable where you are it becomes easier to get stuck in a rut. Always challenge yourself.

So here’s to feeling a bit more fit!