Earlier this morning I had this super positive post about being a momma. Holding on to the good moments where you feel like you did everything perfectly. Then the rest of my day began. Satudays I have teacher training classes. For over 3 hours. Jack has gotten to the age where he knows these kinds of things.

My husband is out of town hunting. That is fine, I can manage swimmingly here with the baby. I needed a sitter, obviously. My brother Matt came over to watch Jack. He is Jack’s regular babysitter. They are bros, no joke! He talks about Matt a lot. Randomly asks for him. If he sees Matt’s photo, forget about it. I hear all about how Matt Dance! or Matt Play!

Jack woke up in a good enough mood. We were upstairs collecting his toys, his angry birds and about 10 books he wanted to bring downstairs. He has a huge basket filled with books down here but he wanted his nap time/bedtime books too. I carried it all! He scooted down the stairs. Happy and chatting the entire time. Once he got to the bottom his mood switched instantly! All the sudden he was yelling at me about something. I have no idea what it was. He didn’t want food or milk. He even ended up getting a time out because he got out of control. After his time out he just wanted cuddles with me. Time was ticking down to when I had to leave. Matt arrived early. I explained the mood today. Even he couldn’t cheer Jack up. Which is not normal!

He still didn’t want any food. He refused breakfast, no matter what was offered. I even heated up some rice stir fry noodles he likes and offered him cheese, FOR BREAKFAST! No no no is all we heard.

It was time for me to head out. Jack was hysterical. He ran screaming to me. Clung to my legs with a death grip. Crying NO NO NO Mom! Hysterical. Matt came over and tried to coax him away, no such luck. My heart was in pieces. Matt literally had to tear Jack off of my legs. I quick rushed out the door. I could hear his wails inside my car in the garage! It was as loud as if I were still inside. I felt like the crappiest mom in the world. I was really shaken. I couldn’t remember my class list I had spent hours planning. I couldn’t review anything in my head on the drive. All I could think about was my poor poor boy. There goes that confidence in parenthood I had this morning!

I got to class a few minutes early and tried to review and hop on the reformer. I was drained. Physically and emotionally. Everyone could tell. My instructor asked what I was thinking about. I am usually there mentally. I have never physically missed even one class. I explained to everyone what had happened. They encouraged me. As class went on she stopped me again and asked if I was absorbing and of the conversation that was happening. I was honest, I wasn’t. I could only think about how Jack still hadn’t eaten and  it was after 12pm. I was texting Matt a bit about it. She said that if I wasn’t able to be here mentally that she thought I should maybe head home and be with my baby. Not in a bad way. She said you haven’t missed anything this entire time. I am happy to give you this grace and let you leave. We can get together another time and go over things. I started to tear up. I truly do not cry a lot with parenting things. It is few and far between. It has to be a big deal for me to get to tears. I knew I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The past two days have been really rough on him, something is off. I wanted to be there to make him as happy as I can. I said I think I am going to go then. I thanked her profusely.

I got home shortly after 12:30. He ran as fast as he could to me. MOM!!!!!!!!! Hugged me tight. We were pretty much inseparable for the rest of the afternoon until naptime, which he went down fine for. Matt stayed and hung out with us. We had a really great afternoon. I am so thankful to my instructor. Can you imagine having a teacher that understanding? I doubt I would have encountered that at Loyola. I will say though I have done my share of things, I have never taken advantage of her kindness. I have always been there, attentive, participating, and learning. Hard work and dedication do have their benefits. I know even more in my heart now that this is the studio I need to teach at when I am done.

on a little walk behind our house

climbing up a hill

throwing leaves with Matt

playing in the leaves

Uncle Matt teaching Jack how to throw rocks in the lake

This was not supposed to be my Saturday. I should have been at class until 3. I should not have been able to play outside with my little boy. Kicking around a soccer ball. Trying to teach him to swing a bat. Throwing rocks in the lake. Watching him trying to climb a hill covered in leaves, squealing with delight! No, I should have been teaching a 15 minute class and learning for my new profession. But sometimes life throws you a curve ball. This time the curve ball was stressful with a happy ending, kind of like yesterday, again. I am certain this bottom molar is the cause of his attitude and crankiness. It looks not so pleasant and he has been chewing his finger like crazy. This too shall pass, but for now I received two extra special afternoons in a row with my little man. Neither of which I was supposed to have or be doing!

We have a party in less than an hour. He is still napping. I must quick freshen up, pack our stuff up, then wake him up to drive there. Tonight I have a date with my mom and both of my brothers to see Breaking Dawn. Jason will be home and I am sure Jack will be elated to have some Daddy time!