The past couple of days have brought a lot of changes in my toddler world. He is really growing up. Quickly. Each day I cannot believe how much more he understands and can communicate than the day before. At this point, I barely notice how big he is because physical growth is overshadowed by his cognitive development. I am in love and fully fascinated.

It all started on Thursday. We were playing upstairs, where the bedrooms are. We also have an open loft up there. We happened to be in Jack’s room. I looked over and noticed he was moving the rocking chair that was next to his crib. The very rocking chair I sat in day after day, night after night, nursing him for over a year. The very chair I spent too many sleepless nights rocking him and singing to him over and over. He was pushing it out of the way because he wanted to play in that area.

in my way mom!

in my way mom!

I thought, “huh, that is very smart of him” I helped him move it a bit more, of course. I even ran to my room to grab a sheet. I built him a fort. In hindsight, this probably sealed the deal for him. He loved the fort. We played together for a while inside of it. He finally said, “mom, out” and pushed me towards the exit! I couldn’t believe it. He then played in there alone for some time. The fort was taken down for naptime because it was partly draped over his crib. Thursday nights are one of my “school” nights. So I was gone. The boys hung out upstairs too. Jack moved that footstool to the rocker all the way from his room to our room. Pushed it. Well, there is a sign if I ever saw one.

On Friday we were back upstairs playing. I was in my room, while he played in his. He was rather quiet, which means I need to find him. He was in that corner again, playing quietly. He looked up at me and gave me the biggest grin ever. Sigh, I knew the rocker was on its way out.

Yesterday my aunt dropped off this amazing train table that was my cousin’s. She doesn’t play with it anymore, she is a big girl now. It is huge! There wasn’t room in our living room for it, especially with the tree up. We placed it in the family room, as we call it. It is really a room off the kitchen we don’t use for anything purposeful. It is out of sight of the living room though. Jack kept wanting to climb on the table. He could not be coaxed away from it. Our dining room is attached to the living room. They are separated by 2 steps and a banister. We decided to switch rooms. We rarely use the dining room table these days. Sadly, I have to admit that. Jack won’t eat at the table. He likes to eat in the living room while watching a show. He is a picky eater, so he has won that battle, because I am at least getting him to eat!

Jack's new playroom

Jack’s new playroom

Also, we are moving soon. Today we are looking at 3 houses. One is a home we are in love with. It is the 2nd viewing. The other two are new for us. One is at the top of our budget and the other is at the low end. The one we love is in the middle. We decided we are moving very soon, who cares if we switch up the layout of the house and it is a little odd looking for the next couple months? We should have made this switch months ago. We can still eat at that table, it is off of the kitchen! This actually makes a ton more sense. He was in heaven. I am working on rearranging a few more things.

Back to his room. I went upstairs after all this train table stuff. I wanted to get rid of his ball pit. He NEVER uses it. It became another toy storage bin. I know he likes the balls, so I was going to save those, but I was going to deflate the ball pit. As soon as it was empty he jumped in it and tried to stand up. He is too tall. A light bulb went off. My mom gave him a tent/tunnel set last Christmas. I ran to get the tent. I set it up, in the corner where he had moved his rocker. I moved the rocker, that chair I am so attached to, out of his room, for good. I put the tent where the chair had been. He was in love. In Heaven. ELATED. Jason even brought him his dinner and he ate in his tent. He couldn’t stop talking about it or playing in it. It took a lot to coax him downstairs so I could go make and eat my dinner.

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I texted my mom these photos. Telling her how sad I was. I was really sad. A part of his babyhood is gone. He is truly a big boy. He will be 2 in two more months, two months that always FLY by because of the holidays. He has opinions. He has wants and likes. I told my mom I was sad, but it is his room and he should be able to decorate it how he wants. She replied that I am a good mom. That made my heart warm. I was doing something that may have hurt me because it made him happy. I can’t force him to stay a baby. I have to let that go. I have to let him become a child and let him express himself. I know that he left infancy long behind, but I have used that rocker a time or two lately. Mostly when he was starting to get sick. I do sit in it and read to him before bed. But last night, we all read a tickle monster story together. With us on the floor, and Jack running around  being chased by Jason and getting tickled. We didn’t need that rocker. HE didn’t need that rocker. You know who needed it? Me. I am the only person that missed it. But, that would not be fair of me to force infancy on him for my own nostalgic needs. So I am letting go. I am saying goodbye to one of the last pieces of his infancy. I do it with some bittersweet feelings. I am crushed that he wants to grow up but I am also very proud of him. I am proud that he was able to express this to me. That I was able to understand the needs of my child. I didn’t ignore it for my own selfish reasons. I picked up on the clues, and signals. I didn’t tell him “put that chair back! That is naughty” I knew he wasn’t up to something naughty. I knew he just wanted to play in his space in his room.

It is a good thing that I am going to be working soon. He is only growing more independent every day. I cannot imagine what I would do once he was off to school and there I was sitting around thinking “what do I do now? Who am I? I was a stay at home mom to a toddler, and now he is in school? What do I do?!?!” I know that is what would happen to me. I am happy that I am working on something for me. Not that I am unhappy being home with him, I love being the person to care for him. I am sticking to very part time teaching at first because of that. As he enters school I will add more and more hours. Mostly during his school time. That is for another post though.

I let go this week. I let him grow. I let him explore. It was hard in some ways and easy in others. The table move was simple. The rocking chair, not so simple. I have let go of so many other things from infancy. Some have been tough and others have gone unnoticed because being a mom is nonstop action. This one was a tough one. Likely, because these things are less and less these days. It is a species near extinction.

Have you had to let go of something from infancy? What were your moments that were bigger like this? Did you feel like leaving infancy totally was a species near and then in extinction? Have you been able to let go of a baby routine that became more for you than your child?