Last night Cadillac training began. I am going to be honest here. I nearly threw in the training towel yesterday. I almost decided that I don’t want to do Cadillac training. We are done with Mat and Reformer. I was feeling satisfied with that. I have this immense passion for Mat work.

My week has not been butterflies and rainbows. I have been in the toddler trenches this week. It has been a rough one. Jack is in this full on tantrum phase. Kicking, hitting, biting, pulling hair, etc. I have spoken to his nurses and pediatrician over two days this week.

My mat class didn’t get put on the schedule before the holidays. I was all ready for it to be added. Then it wasn’t. I am going to admit that I was/am very let down. I was very amped up to teach this. I had a class prepared. I found out the day before it was supposed to occur that it wasn’t going to happen.

Both of those were going on at once. I wasn’t feeling very awesome. I had not much left to give to anyone. I was worn out, exhausted, and feeling a little defeated. Ok, very defeated.

Two things happened:

A dear friend could tell that something was off with me. I didn’t quite broadcast how miserable I was feeling about everything going on, but she read between the lines of a Facebook status. I wasn’t posting one of those annoying passive aggressive ones. I was very straightforward. I wrote about how Jack kicked me in the face during a fit. I know you shouldn’t talk bad about your kids. I wasn’t really. I actually made a sarcastic joke about it. Tied it into him securing his reign as an only child, that he was dedicated to this mission. Usually my updates about him tend to only be positive. So much so that a lot of people don’t believe that he ever cries. I have tried to keep that close to the vest. But when a kid kicks you in the eye, with a shoe on, sometimes it is better to post a status about it than take that aggression out on your kid. It takes unreal levels of patience to not flip out on a child that does that to you. You can’t do it back, I mean if anyone else in this world kicked me in the eye, I don’t think my only reaction would be to post a sarcastic Facebook status! That is the cold hard truth. They would have been kicked back. I don’t believe in kicking my child though, much to his relief, I am sure. (there I go again, being a smart ass)

She knew that I could probably use an email. I am so thankful for her and for that. Over a couple emails I vented all of my toddler frustrations. She has a 1 year old. She is heading down the same road I am in the middle of. She reassured me I don’t suck as a mom and that this too will pass.

I also talked to Jason about stopping where I am with my training. I told him I didn’t even feel like going to class last night. He kept saying that I should just get certified in this, even if I don’t feel like teaching it daily, it is better to have it in my pocket. I begrudgingly went to class. I decided I would go last night, see how I feel, and then make my decision.

I walked in the door after class, swallowed my pride, and said to my husband, “Thank you for making me go to class tonight. I really like the work on the Cadillac. I am going to stick with it.” It is difficult for either of us to say things like that. We are both incredibly stubborn. I knew he deserved to know the truth and the credit for encouraging me. He also had a smart ass remark. We are quite the pair over here. Our life together is never boring. But we did hug. I told him to not be a smart ass and take the compliment with grace. Not one second later, Jack realized I was home and started running and exclaiming MOM MOM and telling me about everything, Car race, Mater, Lightning KACHOW!! etc. I covered his cheeks with kisses. We had a lovely rest of the evening.

And suddenly. I was back. I had one day to feel utterly sorry for myself. We are allowed that kind of day once in a while. When all the crap seems to hit you at once. It happens. We are human after all. Yesterday was better than the day before that, and today is already better than yesterday. Yesterday I was feeling better about coping with toddler tantrums, today I am feeling better about completing my teacher training.

The thing is, everyone gets stressed during this time. Most say it is because of the holidays. For me, the holidays had nothing to do with it. My Christmas is ready to go. Everyone’s gifts are bought and if they have arrived (I ordered every gift online) they are wrapped. I know what we are doing for Christmas eve dinner. I know what is going on Christmas Day. Think family morning/afternoon. Then an ugly Christmas sweater party at my aunt’s in the evening. I have started bedazzling my already ugly Christmas sweater AND vest. I am at peace with the holidays. This stress came from every day, no escaping  it after January 1st, events. That is life though. Always there. But once that stress subsides and you kiss chubby toddler cheeks, hug your sarcastic husband, and everything falls back into place. (For now!)