I have to write about what happened yesterday. I am beyond myself with grief for those children, adults, and families. I don’t know that I have anything profound to say. I do know that I have not stopped thinking about this since I saw the first article. My heart aches so very much over all of this. Those poor babies. They were not much older than my sweet boy. He is my world and I cannot imagine that world without him in it. Bottom line.

I just want to write about something that happened last night, after my husband got home. We were watching the news. Jack was playing with his cars. I was sitting by his train table with him. What I said to Jason comes from my heart, so deeply, that I cannot stop thinking about it. It makes me hurt so much and so much for those parents. I said, “I just can’t imagine what those parents are going through. That their child’s little body is laying on that floor in that building. They can’t hold their baby.” I lost it and started sobbing. It hurts me so much to think about that. All I can think about is how those poor children are there all alone now. I know I am not the only person thinking this. I have seen other Facebook statuses about it and I have heard other people on tv say the same thing. It is heartbreaking to even consider that situation. As a parent and human the power of touch and embrace is really incredible.

What happened next will forever be burned in my memory. Jack stopped playing and looked at me and said, “mom cry” I cried even more and said “yes, mom cry honey” I asked him for a squeeeeze (hug). I kissed his cheeks and held him tight. My son, my sweet little nearly 2 year old son, has picked up on the world around him. He knows emotions and he is very in tune with my emotions in particular.

As the night went on, he started to look at the tv a little more. He would point out every time he saw someone crying, again saying “cry.” After a couple of those I said we should turn this off. We have watched enough of it. I am happy that my boy knows emotion and has empathy. I don’t feel I can shelter him from this entirely. Which is why we were ok watching some of the coverage with him around. But after a while it was time to turn it off. For all of us.

I cannot wrap my head around this at all. My husband cannot either. I have actually never seen him so upset over a national tragedy. It is the children. He couldn’t wait to get home and hug Jack.

Jack  has a cold. I decided to let us go with the flow. He ate pretzels and drank milk all day. He didn’t want anything else. And you know what? In light of everything, a cold and what happened in CT, pretzels for food was not a battle I wanted to fight. I just wanted him to feel better, and I wanted to try to heal my heart by covering him in my love. There will be other days for me to say no to just pretzels. Yesterday was not one of them.

My sweet boy and his cold.

My sweet boy and his cold.