Sometimes you accidentally come across something that you really need. I have been nervous about seriously starting my teacher training. There are moments where I feel like I can do it all. Then there are moments where I have serious self doubt. This week has been particularly busy and I haven’t gotten into the studio. I have plans to go tomorrow morning for one class. Then next week I have plans to head in three nights in a row. I have been filled with dread over these upcoming moments. I came up with a class. A  better class than the previous one I developed. I think at least. I still feel just….scared.

Today I came across this amazing article on The HuffPost. How to Not Sabotage Yourself. 

Here are the points they made.

1. Don’t apologize until you’ve done something wrong. 
Things that warrant an apology are offensive remarks, being late or not offering the last curry puff to someone else before inhaling it. When you’re nervous because you’re not used to dating, or your hair isn’t reacting to the humidity very well, you’re in the clear. You can’t control the weather, and not being good at something the first time is an innately human trait. Don’t sentence yourself before you commit the crime.

2. Beware of enabling fiction.
An enabling fiction is something we tell ourselves to avoid taking responsibility for something. When you decide to not take the amazing job of your dreams in Chicago because you’ve become too attached to the coast-line, you’re creating an enabling fiction: You’re allowing yourself to avoid the responsibility of actually engaging your dream and realizing that, like every job, it will be difficult. Knowing the grit of a dream job is better than holding on to they fluffy version trapped in your head.

3. Expect to be asked for more. 
The problem with doing something well is that people will want you to keep doing it. Eventually, they’ll want you to do it better than the first time. An old professor of mine was asked what he was going to write next the same week he published a book. All he wanted was to be left alone. “I just wrote a book, damnit!” he wailed. That’s the price of being good at something: People (especially your boss) will want more. The road to greatness is paved with requests for something better.

4. Know that you are going to fail — and you should.
If you ever want to train yourself to avoid error, give yourself the chance to make it. If you do, the ensuing mortification will burn a failsafe into your mind. A party planner never forgets the silverware after his guests eat soup with their hands and and a soldier hits the ground faster after she’s shot the first time. Failure feels bad, but it will create callouses on you like a shield and armor.

5. Remember that we all came into the world with the same amount of experience.
No one is born better than you. When you meet someone who makes you feel (and maybe to no error of his own) of lesser quality, turn your gaze inward. Consider the possibility that your own life has given you experiences that his hasn’t. Realize that he also was born without a clue and that it’s possible for you to live up to whatever standard he has reached. Consider him a role-model rather than someone who is simply “better.”

I feel like it was written specifically for me. Number 4 is particularly paralyzing for me. I hate the idea of failing or messing up. It terrifies me. But it is going to happen. It already has happened. The only way to get better is to keep trying, like they stay. To learn from my mistakes. I am not teaching the same class plan again. I pulled the good things from it. I added better things instead of the moves that failed. Already, I see that Number 4 is good, yet that voice in the back of my head doesn’t want to fail.

I  am also particularly bad at apologizing constantly. Apologizing because I am a new teacher. I shouldn’t do that. I should exude confidence. I do know more than they do. They haven’t gone through the entire teacher training course. Spent tons of hours in the studio learning that book inside and out. I have. This ties into number 5 as well. I felt two feet tall a few times at the class of which I refuse to speak. I can’t let my thin skin take over. I still think that I know the intricacies better than the students, but I was made to feel as if I didn’t. Over spring load of all things. I discussed this moment at length with my master teacher and from now on I know how to manage this. I have to take control of my class and explain that we are doing things a certain way for a reason, like returning to classic work, for example.

Anyway. It happened. It will all happen again I am sure. Over time I hope to develop all 5 of these points. I don’t mind number 3! At least as Jack gets older. I  look forward to when I teach very often. Especially while he is in school. I think sitting at home all day while he is in school for 8 hours sounds incredibly boring!

There you have it. Ways to not sabotage yourself. I will continue to work on these. I think they will help my Pilates teaching immensely. I even pinned the article under my Pilates board so I can easily return to it when I need a refresher.

Have you been able to conquer these points? Which of these are the most difficult for you?