Me too. The hashtag that took over social media this past weekend. I had to look it up, to be honest. I had a feeling what it was, but googled it to be sure. Sadly, I was correct. The day before this started trending I shared a brief story of my own via a Facebook status. It was about the first time I vividly recall being sexually harassed, and maybe by some definitions, assaulted. In middle school, by a teacher. It was in light of the discussions of men in positions of power abusing that trust and role. Using that position to hurt women. The next day I stated seeing “me too” all over Facebook and Instagram.
I haven’t posted a “me too” status though. Why? Because I am very open about my stories of assault and harassment and date rape. I have found my voice over the last few years and I talk about it until I am blue in the face, until all my Facebook friends probably roll their eyes and think, here we go again, (I don’t care though). I talk and write and write and talk because it is important. Because for 13 years I lost my voice. Because maybe my stories will help another woman. Because these moments happened, are happening, and will happen again.
Tomorrow is the culmination of my Resistance Writing Workshop. I set out to write another piece on sexual harassment. I even have a first draft written up. In the end, I shifted to a piece on mass shootings. I will share that after my critique and edits. But at the front of my mind, when I first stepped foot into that class 6 weeks ago, was writing about sexual harassment. Before the “shocking” Weinstein story (is it all that shocking? It seems the whole industry knew) and before “me too.” Why? Because this isn’t a trending hashtag. This is real life. This is my real life. This is the real life of most women I know. Because a teacher massaged my shoulders and ran his hands through my hair when I was in middle school. (I don’t even think I had gotten my first period yet.) Because an adult coworker followed me into a freezer when I was 16, closed the door, pinned me against a shelf, and kissed me, without my consent. Because I woke up in a hospital, no underwear, questions about what happened to my genitals being barked at me by a doctor. Because a man trapped me in an elevator and commented on my legs, while I was carrying my wedding veil. Because a man masturbated in his car, next to mine, watching me, as I put my first born son into his car seat, at 10 a.m. on a weekday. Because a drunk man sexually harassed me at noon on a weekday when I was pushing my 2 year old in his stroller. And so many more instances. All of that gets lost with just “me too.” You don’t quite get the disgusting nature of these moments when you chalk it up to “me too.”
I think the stories are important. It is more than “me too.” The narrative matters. What happened? Who did it? How did you feel? How did it affect your life? How are you doing now? How have you recovered? You matter! The details matter. Me too doesn’t solve anything. Awareness, sure, but we are all aware this happens. We live it. We see it. We read it. We hear it. Now we need to change it. Talk, speak, tell your story, insist on fairness, require body autonomy, demand that your sons will walk into this world differently, men, speak up when you see it happening, not after it comes to light. Bosses, refuse to tolerate any employee feeling uncomfortable in your office/company/business. The burden is not on us victims. The burden is on society to get its shit together. To refuse to tolerate sexual harassment and assault. Maybe because I am a writer, I feel that the stories are so important. “Me too” glosses over the nitty gritty ugly details, and maybe that is what we need. A bold look in the mirror, face the ugliness, the hideousness, the shame that we continue to let people (men, mostly) get away with these acts. Then enact bold and revolutionary change.
Nicole M. VandeBoom 
You are much braver than I! I have only ever been able to talk about my experiences with my closest friend. Fear of judgment keeps my mouth closed, fear of bringing up those feelings keeps my mouth closed. I am not yet brave enough to talk about my experiences with anyone other than my closest friend and I respect the hell out of you for being able to do so. I hope to one day find that courage to help others with my experience. I am not yet there.
I have experienced all of those feelings. To be honest, I still do, even when I do write or talk about these things. Some days I literally feel like I am just crazy. Then there are days where it is like I am woman hear me roar. I am so sorry that you have a story. I am happy that you do have SOMEONE you can lean on. That is key. I hate that judgement scares us. I honestly still deal with that, wondering if new people I meet who come across any of these posts will see me differently than they did just before. Know that you are not alone and most sane people would never judge you. I would never judge you. Thank you for even sharing with me that you have a story. That is a hard thing to do.
I think you make your point very well- the stories do matter- but perhaps the “Me too” is a step towards allowing people to tell their stories- perhaps that single post is the first time people are able to say that unacceptable thing did happen to me. Without so much risk to themselves perhaps as publishing the whole story. With no judgement, that be it a big or small incident that it did happen and it should not have.
You don’t need to say “me too” because you are able to tell your story. I was looking up the concept as I wanted to check the reasoning- I didn’t want to be causing upset to anyone if I posted but I think maybe a “hands up if it happened to you” is needed. In work the other day I told some colleagues for the first time about being sexually assaulted in school by much younger pupils and how seeing one of them regularly still causes me fear 22 years later. What amazed me the most was how we all had stories- not just of a slap on the bottom (which all of us have experienced many times) but of quite serious assaults and not even just the one story but multiple stories each- if we felt less alone in our experiences then maybe we would feel more able to tell our stories. So- I am afraid; me too. But thank you so much for your writing- It really was a valuable read for me
Thank you for commenting! My big fear with this moment, is just that, it will be a social media moment, and then everyone will move on and forget about it. I don’t want that! Hashtags are easy, likes are easy, change, real substantial change is hard work. I want the fight for changing rape culture to continue until we succeed. I was really torn about this whole thing. It almost felt like I have shared so much that for me to write “me too” in a status would seem like I was just jumping on the bandwagon. I guess you put it best, I have shared my stories, I have been able to reach that point, so maybe this moment isn’t mine, even though it is applicable. (Thank you for helping with that moment of clarity) Perhaps that is why I struggled with it. I don’t hate it, I totally get it. I want every women and victim to have a voice. So if “me too” helps them with that, then I applaud their strength! I am sorry they have a story to share/keep to themselves, I wish this on no one! but for change to happen, the stories do have to be shared. Those of us who can speak or write about our experiences, MUST!