Archives for category: marriage

Sunday mornings around 7 is my usual workout time. Well, every day around 7am is my usual workout time. I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do with this lull in my routine. Sitting. I hate that word! Yesterday was so beautiful outside. All I wanted to do was go for a nice walk with my family. My husband wouldn’t have it. He thought the park we would walk to was “too far” There and back is 1.4 miles. I have previously used my running app to measure the distance.

I did a lot of tidying up yesterday. I reorganized some closets and drawers near our pantry. I decided to make room for Jackson’s Legos. They normally sit out on our very long island or kitchen table. Now he has a shelf and a drawer to at least put some of the boxes. I also made a shelf for Alexander’s diapers/wipes and other hygiene accessories we want to keep downstairs. It is a low enough shelf that Jackson will be able to reach it if I ask him to help grab something. I washed/dried several loads of laundry. Today I will get around to folding it all. These are the exciting things I am up to this weekend. 

Yesterday did bring a big day though. It marked the start of week 36. Today I am technically 36 weeks 1 day. Every day counts to me at this point. We are less than a week closer to being early full term. 

36 weeks

36 weeks

My husband rearranged our SUV a bit as well. He moved Jackson’s carseat and added Alexander’s. It is crazy to see two carseats in the backseat! 

We are reusing Jackson's baby car seat. Oh the memories!

We are reusing Jackson’s baby car seat. Oh the memories!

Today I will pack up a suitcase a bit, just in case tomorrow’s appointment brings bad news. This way we are not scrambling to grab things. Or rather, my husband isn’t making 5 trips back and forth to get everything I want. Tomorrow I will be prepared. I hope in the deepest part of my heart that it will all be for naught. I also want to put together a big brother gift basket for Jackson.

I just thought I had so much more time to finish up small things. I certainly didn’t assume I would be scrambling around during week 36 to get these kinds of things done. Life is funny that way. I should know better. Everything big in mine and my husband’s life together turns into an adventure. It is to the point that we usually are really great at going with the flow and laughing about it all. Which is a great outlook to have, I know. It would be nice though if we didn’t always have a grand story to accompany our big life events. Dating, engagement, wedding, honeymoon, Jackson being born, buying a house, major roof repairs, Alexander’s prenatal care, they all have dramatic stories. We always make it through together though. We always always always laugh about it after. We always say “It’s an adventure” Instead of “it’s a disaster” I am glad to have that outlook with him. I see this on Pinterest a lot: 

“Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.” – Bob Bitchin

That is how we see our life together. Adventure. This sweet baby boy is just keeping pace with his adventurous family. 

Happy May! It has nearly been a month since I last wrote. Yowza! In all fairness we were on vacation for almost 2 weeks out of that month. I was hard pressed to sit down and write when I had lots of fun things to be doing with my family. Like playing in the ocean, sailing, or exploring the Smokey Mountains.

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Tomorrow will mark 18 weeks of pregnancy. I cannot believe that I am about 1/2 way through this adventure! It seems to be going by much faster than the 1st. I am sure that is because Jacky keeps me busy busy busy every day. He is such a wonderful and full of life 3 year old! He still talks about his little brother Alexander daily. He asks me a ton of questions and always wants to buy new things for his little brother. Yesterday, he informed me that our cat had a fuzz hanging from her mouth. He was very serious about me getting it out. He is going to be one helpful eye around here with a little one toddling around.

I am over the moon that I am having another boy. I have always wanted two boys and my wish has been fulfilled. Yesterday was my birthday. Alexander spent the day being an extra wiggle worm. It started with my Pilates Chair/Reformer workout and continued all day. It was the most I have felt him move in one day! Definitely and extra special birthday treat. He is going to be one active little boy, just like his big brother!

As fat as this pregnancy goes….

Exercise:

Still running, several miles each time I run. Usually a couple times a week.

Pilates. Mat, Chair, Reformer. I just modify my work based on how far along I am. I also sometimes watch some Prenatal videos on PilatesAnytime. I mostly do Chair and Reformer.

Swimming. I also incorporate water aerobics/Pilates into my swims. I have some equipment for that

Barre. I am going to be starting some Barre classes tomorrow. I miss Barre!!! I incorporate it at home, but I haven’t been to an actual class outside of my home in a while.

Cravings:

Limes! I love lime juice on everything. Rice. Fruit, grapes, bananas, apples, honeydew. Shrimp. Oh my gawwwd. If I could eat shrimp every day without worrying about mercury, I would. I have to limit myself and that is hard. Cottage cheese. Spinach, cilantro, arugula, veggies!!! I cannot get enough veggies in my dinners.

This is all much different than Jackson as well. I wanted to much junk with him. Or maybe I have learned how to eat better with pregnancy after going through it once. Either way, I am not complaining!

This was last week. I haven’t take one this week because we have been busy getting home and unpacking and celebrating my birthday. Plus, what’s a better background to a belly photo than the Atlantic Ocean?

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Now I am off to workout. Debating a run or Pilates. Choices are hard 😉 Just wanted a fast update, since it has been so long. I didn’t vanish again. I swear! I was just busy enjoying life outside of blogging for a bit. That happens and is good.

 

This morning I woke up at 5:20AM wide awake. I was craving a run. A serious legitimate craving to go outside and run until my legs were too tired to make another lap around my subdivision. Running is where I work a lot of things out. I get a lot of thinking done when I run. It is just you and your head. Maybe some tunes, but really, you get to be alone with your thoughts. I could use some time like that right now. Yesterday we got nearly a foot of snow. Maybe more, maybe less? I am not certain I didn’t follow the news. I just know we were predicted to get between 6-12 and it snowed a lot.

So the weather is nasty. I have had the flu of some sort for over a week now. It migrated to my chest a bit. I also have mild asthma in general. My nose is still congested. When I blow it chunks of something comes out with lots of blood. And occasionally I cough. All of that being said, running in the winter cold is not the best idea. So I likely wont get to hit the pavement today. I was wide awake. There was no falling back asleep for me. This happened a lot with Jack too. But I will say, if these are the kinds of reasons unborn #2 wakes me up at ungodly hours, then we will get on just fine.

Speaking of that. I cannot get enough veggies. I find any dinner jam packed with veggies to be mouthwatering delicious. I was thinking last night that this baby will be born and the first thing he/she will ask for is some “broccoli and kale kind sir” I am hoping it stays this way. I remember how quickly I had an aversion to fish with Jack. Veggies without something unhealthy all over it weren’t so appealing either. I had a sudden hatred for nut butters. Not this time so far.

Dinner Wednesday night:

Salmon, baked garlic/lemon zucchini, and garlic roasted red potatoes

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Dinner Thursday Night:

A pan sautéed steak with grape tomatoes, steamed broccoli, and smoked paprika baked sweet potato fries.

IMG_3281Friday night:

I ate it too fast to photograph, but I made a Paleo sweet potato chili. I even make my own homemade broth to cook it with. I topped it with some cilantro, avocado, and Greek yogurt. It was heavenly. It was the tastiest meal ever. I have a sneaky feeling I will be making it a lot.

Saturday night:

Whole wheat linguini with broccoli, red peppers, spinach/kale/chard, with some mild turkey sausage. I removed the casings. Next time I may use ground white meat turkey I season/cook myself. There was too much dark meat in there for my liking but the veggies were so good! I sprinkled it with fresh basil and Italian parsley. So many nutrients in one little bowl!

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I just cannot stop eating broccoli. It tastes so good in my mouth! Ha! And garlic. Today is Superbowl Sunday. My parents are coming by. I am making those yummy garlic roasted potatoes, green beans, and this pretty healthy bbq pulled beef. I bought regular buns the other day but I may run to Whole Foods and grab some whole wheat ones for myself. Fresh Market didn’t have whole wheat ones when I stopped there for stuff on Friday. If I feel crazy, maybe I will roast some broccoli with garlic/lime/chili powder! mmmm

I have to say, both my husband and son really wanted pizza for dinner last night. I was strong and kept suggesting this pasta dish I had purchased all the ingredients for. I was tired. It was a long day. Hormonal day, to say the least. I could have just said sure. It would have been easier. My husband knew deep down I just wanted my veggies. so he joined the healthy side and said just make the pasta! Jack had to deal. We all ate lots of good food for dinner.

What kinds of exercise or food do/did you crave while pregnant? 

 

 

As the 3rd week of summer session comes to a close I have been doing a lot of reflecting. I started my journey to become an instructor last September. Up until that point I had strictly been a stay at home mom. I thought that was what I had always wanted. My husband and I had decided on that well before we had a child. I went into that experience with an open mind and open arms.

I had never experienced being a working mom at all. My whole world revolved around my son. Everything I did 24/7 was about him. I never knew anything different. That was fine. I was happy and content. Or at least that is what I thought. Then I started my training. After the classroom portion was over I started my training hours. That was time consuming, but it still wasn’t “working” in my book. I went according to my own schedule, when I could fit it in. I mostly did evenings and weekends when my husband was home. An hour or two at a time. I was busier and out and about a bit more than the previous two years. Still, I didn’t really know the different feeling until 3 weeks ago.

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This morning I started thinking about how I have been feeling. Which has been great. I am super busy. Always busy. I should be cleaning the kitchen right now, but decided to take a few moments this afternoon for myself. I am constantly back and forth to the studio. There in the morning and even coming back in the evenings at times. Working 5-6 days a week. They are not 8 hours in a row days, but like I said I am back and forth. The thing is, I am less stressed now that I was before I started working. How is that possible? I think because I have this thing that is uniquely mine in my world. I am doing what I love.

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He is my Pilates protege!

I find that the time I DO have with Jack, I cherish it more. I spend that time more engaged with him. Playing, coloring, laughing, etc. Not that we didn’t play before. But honestly sometimes you just want a break and you have to veg out and let them do the same. Or you are multi tasking and they aren’t getting your attention. I am sure these moments still happen, but I feel they have been less. I find I miss him, so when I do see him I want to soak it up. I have more patience for him in general. I do not feel totally burnt out at the end of each day. I get this adult connection. Sure, I talk about my son and husband  A LOT in my classes and with my clients. They still are my world and own the biggest piece of my heart, but I am speaking to other adults. I am sharing stories, listening to their stories, spending time outside of the home.

Teaching him to rock climb

Teaching him to rock climb

I never knew that being a working mom would feel this good. I do not think I was miserable as a stay at home mom, but I definitely reached the end of my rope a lot quicker each week and sometimes each day. I feel as if my life has more balance now, even if I am busier than ever. I know that if I ever lose my mind and decide to have a second child I will not go back to being a stay at home mom. No, I will take some sort of maternity leave and then be back at it. I love the place we send Jack for school, which also has day care for the littles. I would continue at this place. It really helps that I am so happy with the school we chose for Jack. He loves it. That also helps. He talks about his teacher constantly. We kept him home the other day, due to a terrible storm and flooding. He was mad when he woke up and found out that he wasn’t going to school that day. That makes a difference. He loves where he is, I love where I am. I would also miss teaching after too long. I guess for me it is easier to feel this way because my work is my passion in life. My wonderful boss did not let me tip toe into work. She threw me in the deep end right away. Which is nice. I have been getting private clients and covering shifts for other instructors when needed. I don’t dread the extra hours. Actually, they fly by rather quickly.

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Life is good. I am happy. I LOVE being a working mom. I feel like I fit right into where I am supposed to be in my life. I feel like maybe I should have done this sooner. It didn’t work out that way because I needed to find this studio and attend classes there. Then I needed to get that email about teacher training. I just know now, that despite what I thought, I wasn’t meant to always and only be a stay at home mom. No, I was meant to be a working mom. Working at the career I love and truly am obsessed with. Teaching Pilates has been the best decision I have made as a mother. I truly believe that.

I have decided to get a little more personal with this post. I want to talk about my experience with birth control pills. I feel I have to write about this because of the experience I went through on them. It has been nagging at me a little bit. I want to talk about it in order to let other people know that this does happen.

I have always been against using contraceptive pills. I have pretty much felt that way my entire life. The side effects really scared me! I have always struggled with irregular periods. I think it was part of the reason we had trouble conceiving. Once my period began again about 10 months after giving birth, suddenly I was like clockwork. For over a year! It was wonderful. This Dec/Jan/Feb it got funky again. I actually skipped all of January! I decided to seek the help of my OB, since I had gotten used to the new way. She had pushed birth control on me in the past. Any time I had an issue with anything, that was her one and only answer. Sigh. This time, at my witts end, I decided to give it a try. She swore there were no side effects and it was going to magically fix me. She was dead wrong.

I gave it a shot for 4 months. I wasted 4 months of my life. I feel like I literally lost 4 months of my life.

Here is a list of side effects I experienced:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Moodiness
  4. Overly emotional
  5. My contacts were irritated constantly. I had to change 2 week contacts nearly daily
  6. Extremely BAD acne. The worst I have ever had in my entire life. I am not exagerating either. It was all over my face, in places I never had a pimple normally.
  7. Listlessness
  8. I was very withdrawn
  9. No sex drive
  10. IRREGULAR PERIODS! I would get my period on the white pills, when I was supposed to get them on the blue/green ones
  11. Bleeding for weeks at a time. It was normal for me to bleed on and off for the last two weeks of the pack.
  12. Loss of self confidence.
  13. Bloating/constipation. I have IBS. I  manage it through a very restricted diet that I never ever stray from. Regardless of this, my symptoms were often exacberated while on the pill.
  14. Zero patience

That list is long. It was awful. I was awful. I felt awful. My poor husband and son. I hate that I am going to write this next part, but it is the truth. I spent all of Mother’s Day crying and feeling sorry for myself. Why? I am not really sure. I wished my husband planned more for me. We didn’t do much. I just was miserable. In general my patience with my 2 year old did not exist. I was short tempered and cranky, every day practically.

I finally got sick of it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I called my Dr. to speak about it. I never got to talk to her. The nurse was the middlewoman. The dr’s only solution: switch me to a different pill. My husband and I researched that pill before I decided to go ahead with it. Some of the possible symptoms were even worse. A lot of people online complained about an even lower sex drive, which my husband was not thrilled with. Not to mention, potential thoughts of SUICIDE! I decided, ultimately, that I wasn’t going to take this anymore. Irregular periods or not. I didn’t want to waste my life being a miserable troll. That is what I certainly felt like while on these pills.

A couple days after I finished up that last pack, I felt like a  new woman. My face has really cleared up. I am still waiting for a couple scars to fade, but minimal new breakouts have occurred. I think today was the worst, and technically, my period is 3 days away from being here. If it is on time according to when it arrived last month. So, that isn’t bad.

I have decided I need a new OB. I also decided to try more Eastern methods of realigning my system. I attended a gong bath last week. I will be going to those once a month. I saw an acupuncturist for the first time yesterday. I will be seeing her weekly. She also started me on some Chinese herbs that support the female system. I use my essential oils as well.

I was never on birth control for the birth control part. It was strictly to regulate my cycle, which it also failed to do. It made early February through late May just awful. I mean, I was even listless while teaching. My master teacher had many talks with me about it. I needed to bring my confidence and personality. I hate writing this part too,  but a few clients said my classes were boring. They thought I knew my stuff, but I was a bore. There is that listlessness. This week, I have felt so much better. I have had SIX energetic classes! With 3 more to go. I feel like a new person, or well my old self. A couple clients who have been taught by me a few times even commented on how much more energy I brought compared to last week. I cannot even imagine what would have happened over time if I had decided to try the new pill. Eventually, I could have lost a teaching position over all of this. My moods were that out of my control.

Life at home is even great. I don’t feel miserable constantly. I love our life. I  have more patience with Jack. Which is needed with a 2 1/2 year old!  My husband and I are back in the swing of things. We will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary tomorrow. He is an understanding guy for having put up with me. I am very open and honest with him about my feelings, so he knows what I was going through was not in my control. I think we are all a little happier over the past 2 weeks and 1 day. I feel like the wife, mommy, teacher, daughter, and friend I know I am.

I  hate that the only answer was pills, pills, pills, and more pills. The side effects of them are so scary. I am partly mad at myself for giving in and trying this out. I should have stuck to my initial feelings and said thanks but no thanks. I should have researched alternative methods of realigning my system earlier. Maybe I would be 5 months in to acupuncture then. Coulda woulda shoulda. I know from now on I will stick to my gut feeling. I know everyone is different. I am sure some women respond perfectly to the birth control. More power to them. I am not one of those people. I pretty much ticked off every side effect except stroke or heart attack! That is very scary to me. I don’t smoke or live an unhealthy lifestyle and I am younger than 35. But who knows what the future would have held if had continued. I hope that my side effects would have stopped where they left off.

We are all different and we have to do what is best for our personal system. Western medicine can be a wonderful thing. I have had to have surgery before and I am thankful for the Western doctor who did that. Who saved my life. But when it comes to this medical concern, I have found this time around I need to look East and go from there.

Have you had a similar experience with hormonal contraceptives? Have you had a better experience? What did you do if you had a negative one like I had? 

Yesterday I posted about the completion of my Reformer student teaching hours. I did complete them all, plus the 1st session after that finish line! It feels great. With that being said, next week I start teaching regularly. I have 7 classes a week on the schedule for the summer session! I am diving in head first. I have mentioned how my 2 1/2 year old is in an early preschool program. He goes two days a week. I will teach on both of those days. I will also be teaching two classes on Tuesday nights. As well as two classes on Saturday mornings. He is used to me being home with him practically 24/7. I am glad we started school a month or so before this was to take place. But I still will be gone more than usual. I will also have to spend more time preparing for classes and researching things at home. There is also the chance that I will be teaching private clients, which can eat up more hours.

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Monday was our last day of swim lessons. The summer schedule at the Y changes. We cannot do the 2 days a week they offer for his age. One of the days falls on one of my work days/his school day. This means that now Mondays and Thursdays are entirely ours. We have no mommy/me classes. I do not teach during the day or night. I have been pretty busy lately trying to finish up these last handful of hours. I have been gone more than normal. Yesterday I taught during the day and then had to have a sitter watch Jack in the evening because I taught at night and my husband was away at a conference. He saw me for a few hours only. Meaning I also only saw him for a few hours. I found myself really looking forward to today. Today is our day to do what we want. The weather is crappy, so I doubt we will play outside, but it is ours. This is the first time I have thought about days this way. Every day was our day. There was no distinction between our days and away days. I stayed home with him for the first 2 1/2 years of his life. My away time was significantly less than my time with him. It is interesting to be heading into this transition of a working parent. I am not working full time, yet, but it is a huge change from our normal comfort zone. We are creating a new comfort zone.

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Part of me is feeling guilty. When Jack begs me to not go to work. He has started that already and the summer session hasn’t begun! I am truthful when I say the last couple weeks I have really  been gone a lot more often. So, he is aware of the changes in our lifestyle. I don’t really need to work. I could continue to stay home with him and we are comfortable. However, I want to work. I am ready to start my life up again. One day he will go off to school 5 days a week all day long. He will make friends he wants to play with. He will join sports. He will have practice. He won’t be home as much as he is now. Where will I be when that happens? Now, I will be teaching Pilates. Before? I would have been shell shocked I think. So the other part of me is not as guilty feeling. I have been endlessly devoted to his every whim and need for two and a half years! It is time to foster his independence. It is time to let him socialize with other kids his age, without me around. When I am around, all he wants is me. I see the photos of him playing with his little friends during the day and I just beam. He is very clingy if I am around. Seeing him blossom and learning to interact with other children makes me so happy! He needs his space at times, as much as I do!

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So next week some big changes are coming to our home. They will be good I think. Life will be a little different. That is not a bad thing. We are evolving as a family. We are moving forward. We are taking on new challenges. Conquering new goals and accomplishments. I am excited. I am also looking forward to Mondays and Thursdays. Time to just be with my little man. Maybe we will have grand adventures some days. And other days maybe we will just be lazy and cuddle and bum around all day. Those are our days to do what we want together!

It finally happened! Last week we closed on our home and moved in the following day. We have been here since Friday. It is lovely. I am so happy it is ridiculous. This has been a lengthy process and both my husband and I feel this tremendous weight that has been lifted. It is truly our dream home. So much so that I find myself not actually wanting to walk out of the door. I could just stay in it all day every day.

Jack has adjusted phenomenally. The first night he woke up once and then fell back asleep without us having to go in there. Since then, nights have been fine. He already calls it home when we pull in the driveway. He has made himself rather comfortable with everything around the house. We have it easy with him. Transitions for him have always been a piece of cake. He just seems to do really well going from one step to the other.

I have my very own Pilates room. I have big plans for it over time. Adding a Reformer, a large mirror, and maybe a barre. But for now it is my own little place of solitude and I am content with that.

Workout organization

Workout organization

Pilates Room

Pilates Room

I still have unpacking to do, but we have knocked out a major portion of it. This room below is so peaceful and truly one of my favorite in the house. My mom helped me finish unpacking it this weekend. I also took a trip to Crate and Barrel for extra accent pieces. Even Jack (and our cat as you can see) loves being in this room.

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I have tons of photos of the home already. I won’t bog this post down with them though. That is what my personal facebook has been for. I am just so excited and in love I can barely contain myself from posting things constantly. I didn’t write about the whole experience but it was quite an ordeal. When your attorney tells you this is the most complicated home sale he has ever done, you know that things are crazy! Our attorney isn’t 27 or anything either. He could be our parent. So, being closed, done, and homeowners of our total dream home feels amazing. It makes us both so happy. It has reduced so much stress in our daily lives. I don’t even think I realized HOW much this had been stressing us both out. Now we can enjoy our home, our little family, and our lives together for many many MANY years here.

 

I have a ton to write about. I have a ton of updates in my life. Our internet has been screwy. One reason I cannot wait to move. There is not much you can do about that when you are renting. When you own, well my husband can hunt and hunt until he finds the problem. He thinks the issue is at the source of the connection. I have my iPad and iPhone, but I don’t like trying to write out a post on those. I do not type quite as quickly as I do on a good old fashioned keyboard.

So what has been going on?

My obsession with the Wunda Chair grows each day. This morning, I cannot recall the last time I took a day off of working out. I think that means I should skip today. We shall see.

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Jack started preschool last week! TWO days a week. It was a crazy feeling. I was so excited for him to learn. I was a bit excited to have some time to get things done. I was sad that he is growing. I felt so guilty. My guilt increased when he cried both mornings and begged me not to leave him. BUT both days, after I left, he calmed down and had a great time. Both days when I picked him up he said “GREAT DAY!” On the first day, I bawled when I got into the parking lot and on the phone with my husband. I felt so awful seeing him so upset. I have been feeling VERY guilty for sending him in the first place. I feel like a crap mom.

I have been a stay at home mom for going on 2 1/2 years. I dedicate myself entirely to this boy. Now that I am ready to embark on my career (I even have SIX classes on the summer schedule), I needed to find some time during the day to work. As parents, we decided together Jack was ready for socialization with his peers, so we picked an early preschool program instead of an in home nanny. Yet, I still feel like I am doing him a disservice because for a couple hours a week I let him go learn and play with others. I know it makes no sense, but it is how I feel. It does help to hear about his day through him when I pick him up. He even made me a Mother’s Day gift at school! It was the best gift ever! This school gives us daily updates, emails, photos, and progress reports. Even what times his diaper was changed, how he ate, how his mood was. It keeps me involved without actually being there. Jack is super attached to me. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and I still had to change every single diaper because he flips out if I am around and my husband tries to do it. He is a momma’s boy. So this has been a transition for the both of us. I think it will prove to be great, I already see sparkles of that after 2 days. It is just a matter of me getting my irrational guilt in check.

Check out some photos from his first 2 days!

Jacky's very 1st day!

Jacky’s very 1st day!

 

Cooking some food on his 1st day

Cooking some food on his 1st day

 

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After his 1st day was over. Too cool for school 😉

 

Making some art on his 2nd day

Making some art on his 2nd day

 

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My Mother’s Day gift!

We close on our new home on Thursday. Yes, as in 3 days from this post! That has been a big contributor to the insanity in our lives. We are swamped. Plus our landlord has listed our current place for rent, so we have had showings. While packing I also have to keep the house pristine and in showing conditions! Last week we stopped by the house for some quotes on some repairs on the pool.

We took some time to take a couple photos of the new place. We are so excited for this adventure to come to a close (pun intended) this week.

In our backyard

In our backyard

 

Making himself at home by our pool

Making himself at home by our pool

The only reason I have time to write all of this today is because I am taking a day off of working out. I do have to take Jack to swim lessons this morning. Tonight I am teaching 2 Reformer classes. I have to prep a bit for those, even though I am pretty sure I know what I am doing anyway. I should clean up the living room too because it is a disaster after a Mother’s Day lego session yesterday. This was my 3rd Mother’s Day. It feels crazy to say that! I can’t believe I have 3 under my belt already!

Mother's Day 2013

Mother’s Day 2013

This might be the last post for a while. We plan to move everything Friday if we can. Which means we will probably have our first somewhat settled night in the house on Saturday. AH! Craziness. June is going to be nuts for us. We always have a lot to do. Our wedding anniversary, my husband always has a conference in the beginning of June so he is gone for a few days, plus there are always tons of family parties and/or weddings. My summer session begins June 9th. I will try to update though, especially about the new pad.

I hope everyone is doing well. I hope Mother’s Day was great!

 

I flew over a huge hurdle yesterday! I had been asked to sub for another Pilates instructor. Three Reformer classes needed to be covered. 8:30, 9:30, and 10:30 in the morning. A Saturday morning. Saturdays are busy at my studio. I said yes. I decided to just go ahead and do it. I knew my master teacher would be in the building. I just wouldn’t have another instructor sitting by free to help or answer my questions. I have always had that crutch to lean on. Also, I have never taught three classes in a row. I considered all of this after I had been asked. My parents happened to be over. I discussed it with them and my husband. The consensus was that I needed to do this. I was capable of doing this. I am meant to do this. “Rip the band aid off” is my husband’s favorite phrase. He told me to do just that.

I am SO glad I did. It went really well. There were no major issues or hiccups. I got a lot of positive feedback. From my master teacher/boss and from the clients. I love the Mermaid. I love it on the Mat, Reformer, and Chair. There is rarely a day that goes by where I don’t do some version of the Mermaid. I included it in my classes yesterday. I had a few clients rave about it. Saying they had never done it before. They LOVED it. I explained my passion for the position. They replied that they think it needs to be in every class they take. Well, I think it is safe to say I have found my signature move at this studio. “If you take a class with Nicole, you will more than likely do the Mermaid in some way!”

frontsplits

Me!

I feel so empowered. I know that practicing Pilates can empower you. I have been empowered by it. I am empowered by it. Teaching Pilates can also empower you. Being able to help people. Seeing them find the work. Listening to them tell you how great that move felt on their body. Lately, every time I leave the studio after teaching a class I am riding on this high. I feel so great, happy, energetic. I am not even working out. I am just working. I am doing what I was born to do. I left after my last class and drove home. I thought along the way, this is clearly what I was born to do. This is my career. I have never been so sure of that in my life. Besides being a mom. I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family. Other than that I  have never quite made up my mind. Nothing made me feel this way. Nothing until I started teaching Pilates. I am about halfway through my Reformer teaching hours for certification. Chair will likely be conquered in the fall when my boss adds more chairs and then adds some chair classes. I love Chair. I own one and I practice on it pretty much daily. I know a lot of people loathe it but I feel that is because it is intimidating. It doesn’t have to be. It can be so tailored to a client that gradual increase in strength can be achieved  I also have a potential offer from my boss to teach at Lulu on Saturday mornings. If it does happen it is supposed to start in early May. It is not 100% yet but I am excited that she even thought of me to do that. I will bring the same passion I just wrote about along with me to the store. I will turn people on to the love of Pilates. I will hopefully be able to convince new people to walk into the studio that is my home.

It feels good to find your place in the world. I have found mine. I am Nicole. I am a mom, a wife, and a Pilates instructor.

What/who are you?

I did a really great thing for myself yesterday. I got back into the swing of things with Pilates. Not practicing Pilates on my own. I haven’t missed a beat with that. No, I am talking about student teaching to get all of my hours for my certification. I had been on a break of sorts. I was just dealing with so much in my personal life that something had to give. With the home buying nonsense, my grandpa passing away, having a toddler, my IBS flaring up from all the stress, and injuring my neck, I was constantly spent.

The last thing I wanted to do was stand up in front of a room of people, not feeling confident at all, and try to safely guide them through physically demanding moves. No. I was not up for that. I spent all day giving my best to my son. I couldn’t put him on the back burner. No matter how depressed I was over my grandpa, I couldn’t mope around all day not caring for my child. So, by the time my husband got home at night I was just exhausted. There was nothing left to give.

I started to feel better last week, slowly but surely. Then, the weather started to warm up. We went to the park about 3 times in a week’s time! Ah, glorious sunshine and fresh air will do anyone some good. I went back in yesterday to student teach a private session with my amazing teacher. It felt ah-maze-ing to get in there and do this. I felt so great afterward. I am ready to get back into this. I am ready to finish what I started. I am ready for life to continue on.

I needed my mourning period. I am by no means over it. I never will be. Grandpa randomly crosses my mind regularly. I will be doing the most simple thing and suddenly some memory will flood back. I also got very attached to being around Jack. I have barely let him out of my sight since this time last month, actually. Other than one sleepover at my mom’s home. I think she needed that as much as I needed to take a break from student teaching. Clinging to this life that I created just felt right and safe. Looking at his cute little toddler feet, watching the way he plays with his toys, listening to his HUGE vocabulary, and just taking in his face, were the places I wanted and needed to be. The thought of being away from him several nights a week was just not something I wanted to actually go through with. Even if some days I felt like he was driving me crazy. I just didn’t want to miss a thing.

Death is a funny thing. Dealing with it and trying to put your own life back together can be tricky. I have been to a good share of wakes and funerals. This was by no means my first. But they were always more distant relatives. Not what I consider an immediate relative. It was different this time. It has been hard. Bottom line. How long should one mourn? There is no definitive answer to that. I cringe at the thought that if I ever have another child my grandpa will not have met that baby or even know about his/her existence. I hate that. A baby is not a big priority on my list, but I have thought about that scenario. Does that mean if I actually decide to have a 2nd that I shouldn’t? No. Because life does go on. The living have to keep living. Keep loving the loved ones we have with us while remembering the ones we have lost. I just squeeze my little man a little tighter and rub his hair a little more and kiss his toes just one more time.

It was time to get back to my life that I worked really hard to achieve. I put so much time and effort into training to teach and to be derailed much longer would just be a waste. My grandpa would not have wanted me to waste my talents. That much I know.