Archives for posts with tag: birthday

Seven Is

February 4, 2018 //

It’s not hard to believe that the little snuggly burrito in this photo is the seven year old young man that shuffled out of his room this morning. Looking taller. Or maybe that is just my mom colored glasses, biased to the fact that you’re a year older. Your face aglow with joy as you took in our birthday tradition. A room. A kitchen. A house. Decorated to celebrate the wonder that is your life.

That’s how time works. That is why it’s not hard to believe. It slaps me in the face every year. Baby burritos grow into young men. Seven. Seven is official. Seven is maturity. Seven is making your own breakfast. Seven is needing less help. Seven is a mom’s eyes lingering over your dimples and less round cheeks. Lost in in a sea of memories of soft downy hair, soft blankets, and baby scent. Tumbling back in time to hours spent on a couch from three homes ago, breastfeeding you for hours on end. Two souls, unsure of the new life ahead, sleeping, waking, sleeping, waking, but not moving much. Taking time to discover motherhood and infanthood.

Seven is a mom rambling on about scenes from a lifetime ago. Seven is exploration. Seven is picking up your little brother to show him things too high for his three year old length to reach. Seven is moods. Seven is opinions. Seven is bubble gum. Seven is best friends. Seven is letting you fly on your own, just a pinch more. That’s hard. Seven is never sitting still. Oh, well, that has been every year. That is you. Not unique to only this year of life. Seven came too fast. Seven will end too fast. Eight will be here when I blink next.

Motherhood is a bittersweet exploration of life. Elation and indescribable joy tightly intertwined with heavy sinking sadness. Each year your child grows, you celebrate their milestones and joys while knowing in the very abyss of your soul that you are letting go in subtle delicate ways. That is my journey to honor. That is my burden to absorb. For you, sweet, caring, emotional, intelligent, stubborn, honest, funny human, I long for you to absorb the wonder that is seven. Seven is beautiful. Seven is you.

Tags birthday, children, family, growing, life, love, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, seven years

Categories family, Momommahood, motherhood, parenthood, Uncategorized

Six Years of Motherhood

February 3, 2017 //

I have been a mom for just shy of six years now. By just shy, I mean six years ago today I started going into labor. Tomorrow will officially be six years. I have learned, grown, changed, and loved a lot in these last years. These are some of the things six years of motherhood has taught me.

That I want my children to grow up in a world that values love, kindness, equality, social justice, empathy, and generosity. It can feel like an uphill battle some days. When everything around you seems filled with ugliness and hate. That doesn’t mean that I will stop wanting them to live in that kind of world. I will always strive and fight to shape that kind of world for them. I will send them out into the world with those values, hoping they too will be agents of them.

Perfectionism is a nuisance. You cannot control everything at every moment. Life and children are unpredictable and sometimes you have to let more shit go than you care to. I cleaned up the whole kitchen and living room on Wednesday. Spotless! By that evening they had scattered toys all over the kitchen floor. They are still there. I sighed as I walked by them to start writing this. At some point I will get to it, but I am sure when I turn back around, they will have recreated the same mess. You have to let it go.

Humility. You are not above wiping a poop covered butt (and even back, cause that shit, haha, can and does get everywhere) You will find yourself in the middle of situations you never thought you would be in. Being urinated on. Catching vomit in your hands. Getting poop under your fingernail. Changing a diaper in the trunk of your SUV in the parking lot of a pumpkin farm. Wiping up a half spilled grande pike roast from the floor of Whole Foods that your two year old knocked over when he moved your cart as you were trying to pick up the box of his minecraft figurines he dropped everywhere. So now you have minecraft toys, a box, and a giant puddle of steaming hot coffee all over the grocery store floor. These things happen on the regular. Stay humble folks, there is no prize for being prideful. You will be wiping up floor coffee in public. Or your own version of that scenario.

Generosity. Be as generous as you humanly can. With your love and praise for your tiny humans. With your family. With your neighbors. With complete strangers. I have seen it pay off in these last 6 years. My almost 6 year old has started random acts of kindness. He has asked me why I buy coffee for the car behind me. Why I roll down my window and hand cash to the homeless man with the sign on the street. I explain why in detail. This week at school he brought his Pokecards. Some friends didn’t have any and wanted them. He was planning on trading with another kid. He did. Then he gave out cards to his friends that did not have any. Just because he wanted to, because they wanted some cards too. He received nothing in return. Save for my adoration and praise when he told me the story.

Selflessness. You have to give so much of yourself when you are a parent. At least you are supposed to. We all do things differently. I give a lot. It can be exhausting, but then I think about how if I did things differently. If I wasn’t around to give them 200% of myself and then another piece just to be nice. I would not feel right. I want to be around and be the face in their memories when they look back at their childhood. When it all clicks about the magical times, the birthdays, the random normal days, the dinners, the laundry, the hugs, the books, the kisses, the songs, the errands, the treats, the love. You learn to put other people ahead of yourself. Which can be a hard thing to learn to do.

On that note, you also need to take care of yourself. Self-care is crucial. A trip to D.C. to march for yourself and fellow humans. A epsom salt bath. And yes, lock the damn bathroom door. Pilates in the morning. Putting them to bed a half hour early because they are bat-shit crazy that night. Ordering dinner, even though you have things to cook, they wore you out and you just don’t feel like cooking that night. Order that pizza, and bask in the glory of little to no cleanup. Self-care can be huge things, like 4 day trips, or they can be tiny little minutes throughout the day, locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. It comes in all shapes and sizes.

Love. True unconditional heart growing mind blowing all consuming love. It is a love like I have never experienced. Sometimes I watch their faces and I literally feel like my heart might explode with joy. Sometimes I still look at them and think “they are mine! How is that possible? How did I create these two super cool humans?” It still takes my breath away, that I get to have these two dudes in my life. I am not sure I will ever quite get over that. It is amazing.

The value of words. We talk through things a lot here. Taking time to use your words to explain things to your children will really strengthen their understanding of life. Even if you don’t feel it is sinking in in the moment. They absorb these life lessons and they take them out into the world. I tell my boys “everyone is different.” When they have questions about why someone does something differently than we do. I always explain it as best as I can, then sum it up with “that is ok because everyone is different.” When the oldest was four, some kids at school hassled him because he doesn’t like ketchup and wouldn’t eat it. He got frustrated and finally told me that he said “I don’t like it and that is ok, because everyone is different.” Words matter. Words sink in. Talking through things sinks in. They are very intelligent.

To say sorry. I am a firm believer in apologizing to them. Sometimes moms lose their shit. We do. If you say you don’t, you’re lying, sorry. It comes in different forms for each person, but we all get pushed too far sometimes. If I feel guilty that I snapped on them or was short, or yelled over something totally stupid, I will go and talk to them and say I am sorry. This is not every time they get in trouble. Sometimes they do naughty things and they have to be reprimanded. But I can feel it in my heart when I know it was more me than them. Then I do go say sorry. The oldest and I can have real conversations about human emotions at this point, and we do. We talk through it. The little one, a hug with kisses and saying “mommy loves you I am sorry” will suffice at this point.

It is ok to talk to children as if they are humans with thought processes and feelings. I try not to baby things down for them too much. I explain things to them. I am not a huge baby talk person. I have always interacted with them as the red blooded people they are. I think this has shaped them for the better. I can see it in the oldest. He has a grasp on reality. The things he can discuss blow me away sometimes. I encourage him to think through his thought process. I can explain something and then ask him what he thinks/feels/wants from that situation. I have explained to him what is happening if I think he feels anxious. I explained homelessness to him. We have had conversations about dissent. We talk about body autonomy and consent. They know the actual names of genitals. My motto is if I keep that conversation going and trust them with actual knowledge that it will pay off down the road as life gets messier.

Sometimes we cannot do it all. We just can’t. It’s a fact. We want to. We feel we need to. This leads to being burnt out. I know, I have been there. Sometimes you have to take a step back and delete some shit from your life and schedule. Sometimes you have to say no we are not going to do that. Today we are going to be lazy and relax and enjoy one another. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to just be. As a family. I am still working on this. I am not great at taking things off of my plate. It is a work in progress.

Children love their mother so much. Sometimes I can feel their love radiating off of their little bodies. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes moms just need no one to touch them for, maybe, 2 minutes. That would be nice. Then you hear their little tiny human voices saying “mommy” and they just want to nuzzle in and you realize how very loved you actually are.

My favorite most calming thing in the world is when either boy hugs me and snuggles in to the right side of my neck. I call that “the good stuff” and love when they hug me tight, their little cheek against my neck. That is my calm. That is my heart. That is my motherhood.

I am not a perfect mom. I feel like I am failing a lot. I am hard on myself. I always think I can do better (I should reread that perfectionism paragraph, huh?) I am just being honest here. I do know that I have grown so much since having children. I have become a better person and woman because of them. They have shown me where my heart actually resides. They have made me cry. They have made me laugh. They have made me angry. They have made me insanely happy. They have made me stronger. I am thankful for these last six years. I feel lucky that I get to take this journey with them. Even as I shouted to my husband last night “You are getting a vasectomy!!! I do NOT want a third baby, they are crazy right now!” Yes, they were being insane. Fighting over Mario toys, tears and yelling, all as I was trying to make their dinner plates. No one could eat until the fight was resolved. It was ridiculous. It was so loud. It was frustrating. It was all mine. My crazy, loving, obnoxious, kind, silly, frustrating, kind, hilarious, adoring, and imperfectly perfect family.

I am looking forward to where the next six years of this journey takes me. Thank you boys. Thank you Jackson for making me a mommy. Happy start of labor day my sweet boy.

Tags babies, birthday, boys, children, equality, family, growing, kids, kindness, lessons, life, love, mom, mommy, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, parents

Categories Momommahood, motherhood, parenthood, Uncategorized

Alexander’s Arrival

October 2, 2014 //

I am on day 4 of being a mom to two boys! On Sunday, September 28th, at 4:38pm Alexander was born. 7lbs 2oz and 20 inches. He is pure sweet shiny new perfection.

I was not planning on having a baby on Sunday. I had a long to do list of things. I definitely wanted to go grocery shopping. I was going to call a spa around 10am to see if they could fit me in for a prenatal massage. My shopping list was ready to go before 8am. I decided to not workout that morning. I was feeling pretty tired and realized I could use a rest day.

The day before I walked 2 miles on the treadmill. I even threw in a couple jogs. Very short and slow jogs. Nothing crazy. I did a touch of arm work after the run and a lot of stretching. We all went to Apple Fest with my mom, sister in law, and niece. We walked around a ton there. I started having contractions. Not just tightening but enough to stop me in my tracks a few times. They got down to about 7 minutes apart. We decided to head home and see where this took us. In the car I had one last one and then they stopped. Later in the evening I had a few more, but again they stopped. I figured just more false labor. I went to sleep, not knowing in less than 12 hours I would be in active labor!

Around 8:30am I hopped in the shower and I was having even more painful contractions than the day before. They were closer this time. I ate some breakfast and got ready for the day. I was still not convinced. Around 9:30 they got even worse than they had been and were coming 2-3 minutes apart. I walked the staircase in our backyard over and over until I reached 10:30 and they had been happening for an hour. Jackson spent some time walking with me! I called my OB. She told me to head on over to the hospital. So much for that massage.

My labor walking partner

By the time I arrived to the hospital I was 5cm dilated. 6 days before I had only been 1cm! I said “I am not going home today, am I?” The answer was no. It was time. I wanted a natural birth. That was my plan. I declined the epidural and fluids. I agreed to a port during my blood draw just because it is easier to do it then instead of during an emergency. I also agreed to letting my Dr. break my water because she explained it progresses things faster and she hates to see people in pain longer than they need to be. That is when the party got started. My husband took some photos during my labor. I was initially pretty mad because I had no idea. Now, as I write this, I am a touch thankful.

This was before things got exciting. And before my parents arrived to help out with Jackson. See, I am still smiling. That changes fast.

As contractions are wont to do, mine progressively got worse and worse. The pain was incredible. The downtime was heaven. But then, my downtime started to disappear.

They had me on my side because his heart rate dipped. If I was gripping, things hurt.

The contractions kept getting closer and closer together. Totally normal. Then, the downtime started to vanish. I would be on my way down from a painful contraction, never quite hitting 0, and another contraction would start. It would spike off the charts again and have to work its way down. Sometimes I was having 3 minute long contractions. The break in between those would be a minute or a minute and a half.

My Dr came in and asked for me to consider agreeing to a fluid IV to try to hydrate me. She thought I was dehydrated and that could be why these contractions were overlapping. She wanted to get me a break of 2-3 minutes in between each one. I agreed to the fluids. They ended up not helping much. She came back later and said I still wasn’t always getting a break and when I was that they were only maybe a minute and a half. She mentioned I still had the option for an epidural. She hated sitting out there at the desk watching the monitor knowing what I was going through. I hadn’t dilated past 7 at this point. I was frustrated but I held off.

The contractions started to exhaust me. I just wanted to sleep after each one. I felt like I was at the end of a long hard day after every single contraction. But I never got the rest time. It was boom boom boom. The pain was in my back, uterus, and would shoot down my quads into my knees. I tried all kinds of labor positions. Kneeling almost made the leg pain worse. I found nothing that worked in helping me work through it. There were contractions where I couldn’t even breathe through them. I was trying but even breathing hurt. My mom was trying to remind me to breathe. Jason was having a very hard time seeing me in such pain. I started to get worried that I wouldn’t be able to push. I was so tired. So so so tired.

At my next check I was 8cm. At the check after that I was still 8cm. The epidural was mentioned again. I asked how long I had to decide on that. The nurse told me as long as I liked. I could get it whenever. She left the room. I had another long contraction. I told Jason to go tell her to get the anesthesiologist. I felt as if I were caving. This wasn’t my plan. I am a strong person, I should have been able to do this. I was just so tired. I know I am a great pusher. I know I have the core strength to push him out, but my energy had been depleted. I was really worried that when it came down to it, during those long contractions, I wouldn’t have the energy to push. Which could result in a C-section. I knew that was number one on my ‘I don’t want it” birth list. So my decision had been made. I weighed my options and went with the one that I thought would still result in the birth I would be most satisfied with.

After the epidural I was able to relax. It wasn’t long before my next check. My Dr said I was just about 10. Asked me to give a little push to try to get a part of my cervix to complete its disappearance. She said “oh you are a good pusher. His head is right there. I was going to have you push one more time but never mind. It is time to deliver. I am going to get ready.”

My mom left the room at 4:26. The doctor and nurses finished getting everything all ready. At 4:30 I started pushing. At 4:38, Alexander John entered this world. He entered with the cord around his neck and he was blue. My husband said that my Dr got that cord off so fast it was amazing. In one swift movement she unwrapped it from him. The cord was also wrapped around his leg, which I got a glimpse of. When they put him on my belly he was blue and not crying. My brain was racing “why isn’t he crying. He should be crying.” It was a blur. A nurse (who happened to help deliver Jackson as well!) started to fuss with him and he started crying. My life was complete in that moment. They put him on my chest and I held that sweet boy for the very first time. They took him away to get him ready for some more snuggles.

My first photo with my sunshine face

We were able to go home the next day, per our request. We wanted to get settled into our home with both of our sweethearts. We hate hospitals. Don’t most people? He is mostly healthy. Very tiny and a little jaundice. So his pediatrician is monitoring that. He has lost 8% of his birthweight. We have a follow up tomorrow to see if we packed some ounces on him. I have been nursing on demand all week. He eats close to every hour over night. If he even whines I offer him a boob! Ha! Time to chunk this little monkey up.

Jackson is over the moon for his baby brother! He is wonderful with helping. Jason and I are doing a great job being partners and making sure Jackson gets some one on one attention too. Family time and one on one time with each boy. We definitely got this.

We are in love and I really do feel like my life is complete. I am so happy to have two children. I am enjoying the balancing the needs of both. I truly feel like I was born to be a mom. I do other things. I love teaching Pilates when I am working. But nothing gives me joy like being a mom first and foremost. I easily throw all of my energies into my family. I feel satisfied and content with that role. My heart is warm and overflowing with joy. Even if I haven’t slept. Even if Jackson was asking for Cheerios while I was trying not to pee my pants and make him a bowl and Alexander started crying at the same moment and I realized my husband put the old almond milk I wanted to toss back in the fridge and now I can’t tell the difference between the new and old. Which was this morning. It lasted 3 minutes and was chaotic, but it was home, it was life, it was uniquely mine and I wouldn’t trade it for a thing!

Welcome to the world sweet boy. Welcome to our family. You were made especially for us and you are perfect.

Tags babies, baby, baby boys, birth, birth story, birthday, family, family time, motherhood, new baby, newborn, parenthood, parenting, preschooler

Categories family, Jack, motherhood, parenting

Jack’s Mousekeparty

November 6, 2011 //

A little fact about me. I am a huge crafter. I love crafting. It is actually kind of ridiculous how much craft stuff I own. From scrapbooking to painting. I cannot get enough. I was recently introduced to Pinterest. YOWZA I am addicted. But it is a good thing because I have been getting tons of ideas for projects.

I am currently planning Jack’s 1st birthday party. (I also love planning parties) It will be a Mickey theme. Jack’s Mousekeparty. I saw a sign on Pinterest that I thought was a cute idea. A sign for the party! If you check out the link for the sign you will see that I really put my own spin on it. I just gathered the idea OF a sign from seeing one on Pinterest.

This is Jack’s party sign. I hand painted it all. Every single letter even! I still have to decide how I will display it. If I will try to hang it or get a stand for it. I am happy that I have actually been creating things after spending so much time on that site. I have made a number of items I have discovered. I am not just wasting time with a wish list of crafts I never get to! I am also excited that I have one thing totally completed for Jack’s party.

Tags 1st birthday, 1st birthday party, baby, birthday, birthday party, craft, crafts, crafty, kids party, painting, parenthood

Categories Crafts, Jack, Momommahood, motherhood, parenthood, parenting

Nursing until 1 year

September 18, 2011 //

The past couple of runs have been a bit rough. My allergies tend to be bad in the fall. I believe it is the ragweed. The last 3 runs have been bad. Between my allergies and pushing the stroller and baby, I get winded quickly. I am limited on what allergy meds I can take because of nursing. I was telling my hubby on our Saturday run/walk that I am looking forward to next fall when I can take my good meds and breathe easy. Sometimes I feel like I am a football player with having to push about 45lbs while running. I even repeat to myself “dig dig dig” when we are heading up a hill. How lame! HA! It is certainly not easy to jog with your baby. It is fun and incredibly rewarding. However, it is tough, hard work, and can leave you exhausted and sore. It is kind of like mommahood in general!

I have come to a final decision regarding nursing. I am feeling good about it. I am going to nurse him until he is a year. Then I will stop. I am not sure how I will go about weaning. I do not want to ever give him formula. That is my goal. He tends to be rather flexible with eating. He enjoys eating. We feel that he won’t reject regular milk when we begin giving it to him after a year. I may stop cold turkey and try the cabbage in the bra trick. I had considered nursing longer than a year. I was recently thinking that overall I will be ready. A year is phenomenal! 6 months is phenomenal! I am nearly at 8 months and I fully believe I will make it to a year. I think my milk supply was dropping a bit but I have been taking some Fenugreek, and it has been helping. So with dedication I think I will make it to a year.

It was a hard decision to come by. I know I have time. With the holidays though things will fly. He will be a year on February 4th. Halloween is around the corner, then Thanksgiving hits you, and after Thanksgiving you blink and Christmas is here! My hubby’s birthday is in the beginning of January and I will be planning Jacks first birthday extravaganza (I am serious about that, I have already begun planning it. I think I am more obsessed with this than our wedding) So I came to the decision now. I will be ready for us as a family to move on. My husband and I need to spend some more time together. Since Jack has been born we have gone on 4 dates alone. Two being this week. I love doing things as a family. LOVE IT. If push comes to shove I prefer us all going out and doing things together. But sometimes it is nice for us to get out just the two of us. Not often and not for anything crazy, but for example we went to eat and bowling. Last night we went to a real sit down restaurant. Which we have not done since he was about two or three months old.

I am not saying I want to get away from him. I had a miserable time for the first part of our date because Jackson had a fit when I was leaving. My dad finally said, “Go, you coming back in here over and over is making it worse. He will be fine, just go!” I obliged, heavyhearted, and we headed to the bowling alley. My mom finally texted me and said he was happy and even sent me a smiling photo of him. Separation anxiety is hard on me too! I felt awful for leaving him so upset. I did say good bye, I didn’t sneak off, which was hard, but I did it.We are rarely apart, once in a while, I am told, it is good for both of us! HA! So at a year I will be ready as I can be for us as a family to move on to the next step. I will still be emotional about it all. Between nursing ending and him turning a year, I will be a wreck. I started crying yesterday talking about it! I asked my hubby to be patient and understanding in February. It will be a bittersweet month. I love that child more than I can even express. My whole world revolves around him. Every move I make depends on his needs.

I talked about this all with Jason and my parents yesterday. They all agreed that it is ok for me to be ready to move on when he is a year. That it is good for me to have more flexibility. That someone can watch him overnight without us worrying about his feeding schedule. He has never spent the night anywhere but with me and Jason. As a collective family we feel confident that this is the best decision for us.It was nice to have their unconditional support.

I am not sure if some people would consider this decision selfish. Those I know do not. I am sure there are some die hard BF advocates that may. But I try to not judge the decisions other moms make, unless they are downright abusive, so I hope I receive the same respect. It was a tough decision to come to. I have been thinking about this for a few months. I feel I will be ready to move on then. I am feeling good about it. I stared out on this journey just wanting to give it a shot. Then I wanted to go at least 3 months, then I wanted to go at least 6 months. Then once I got close to 6 months I thought I can do this for a year!

It feels good to have finally reached a final goal and decision. I was on the fence for a while but something in my heart this week just told me that this is the best choice for us all. That I will be ready to go on to the next adventure in our lives together. I am feeling good about this all!

Tags babies, baby, birthday, breastfeeding, infants, nursing, running

Categories Baby food, Breastfeeding, Healthy Living, Jack, Momommahood, motherhood, nursing, parenthood, parenting

Too hot

June 5, 2011 //

I did not go running yesterday. We got home from swim a bit after 9am and it was already ridiculously hot out. I thought getting back into running in extreme humidity and heat was probably not the best idea. Plus, we were trying to get Jackson down for a nap. He fought us for a while. We didn’t even get him down until 11. By then it was definitely too hot. Oh well. I did do a Pilates Ball routine. I had a hard time concentrating though because he was crying through a lot of it. I cannot block that out. No matter how much I try.

I am planning on doing the elliptical at some point. My husband is still sleeping and it is in our room. If both he and the baby are not up by 8, in a few minutes, I am just going in there to use it. He can deal. lol

Since it was his 4 month birthday we took him to Build A Bear. I definitely had the most fun out of the 3 of us! haha The poor kid had a belly ache and we didn’t realize it. He had his shots on Thursday and we believe that he was still not feeling awesome from those. By the evening regular Jackson was back though! I love this photo because he looks like he is thinking “Momma, please, can we just stop this nonsense and go home!”

Oh! Just heard the hubby get up and go into Jack’s room. He is up. Time to feed him, then I can work out! WOOO HOOO!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend, we sure are!

Tags baby, baby weight, birthday, build a bear, children, elliptical, exercise, family, fitness, life, motherhood, running, weekend

Categories Exercise, Jack, Momommahood

4 months!

June 4, 2011 //

Jackson is 4 months old today! How time flies! I am head over heels in love with him. He lights up my world every single day. I was looking at a photo of him on our fridge the other day. He was probably a few days, maybe a week old. He looks so different already! Jason and I discussed it last night. He is becoming this little person so very quickly.

We are definitely loving all of it. He is so fun. He has the best sense of humor I have ever encountered. He just absolutely loves to laugh and smile. He had his 4 month checkup the other day. He is very tall, 26 inches. 88th percentile My hubby is 6’4. He is going to be as tall or taller than Daddy for sure. He is very skinny, 14lbs 3oz which puts him in the 27th percentile. Naturally my guilty momma brain pondered if he was so skinny because I am not feeding him enough. My mom quickly dispelled these thoughts of mine. She pointed out that Jason is tall and skinny, both of my brothers are tall and skinny, I am not a big person either. Genetically this kid had no chance of being too pudgy of a baby lol He just doesn’t have the genes on either side! Also, if there were an issue that the Dr would have discussed it with me. But they think he is doing just great. So I need not fret about anything. He is a healthy happy dooood!

We did get the A-ok to give him some solids if we want to. Sometimes he wants to eat every 2 hours still and that could mean that he is still a bit hungry. So I am contemplating making some rice cereal for him this weekend. I have to get a couple things before I do though, like a baby spoon! haha I found some recipes to make my own baby rice cereal. I plan to try that first. If it goes well then I wont have to buy premade stuff. I will definitely be making my own fruits and veggies.

He cracks me up. He has clear preferences in life already. He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. LOVES it. His little head will snap towards the tv if he hears ANY of the characters’ voices. Then he will stare at it, mouth agape. The TV is generally on during the day and he does not respond to other shows that way. I find it interesting because I want to support this love of his so much that I am not Mickey obsessed. Sure, I have always thought Disney movies were cute, but not like this. I am always looking for Mickey Mouse items for him. I want to plan a Disney trip (I know, a bit too soon for that!) I watch the same episodes over and over because HE loves it. The amount of love I have for his love is something new for me. That me first selfishness that most people have in general has vanished when it comes to him. It is all about what makes him happy first, and then me second. BUT I am happy when he is happy. If he is satisfied and having fun, then I too feel the same. What an incredible feeling it is. I found this new sleep bag outfit for him. I LOVE this hat. Too bad it is summer, because if it were winter still I would have it on him every time we left the house. I even said to Jason, “I wish I had known he would love Mickey so much because I would have made his room a Mickey theme!” I was very persnickety about his nursery. It is a brown/blue theme. The furniture had to be just so, the paint just so, etc. But the moment I realized that he loved something I threw out any of my preferences and wished I could have created it how he would like it. Being a mom has opened up a new world of perspective. It is less about what I like and more about what he likes. And for me, that is a big step. I may have had some selfish tendencies when it comes to things in my home. I just want things how I want things, normally. So this has been an incredible growth experience for me. I am loving it!

He also loves when I sing and dance. I have a terrible voice. I am not a good singer at all. I love to pretend that I am and belt out tunes often. I did a lot when pregnant and I still do. I just love singing, no matter how terrible I may be. I noticed early on that singing “You are my sunshine” relaxed him. So I sing it a lot. I dance terribly too. Jason calls me Elaine from Seinfeld. It is that terrible. In Jackson’s world, however, none of this is true. I am the bees knees when it comes to singing and dancing. He laughs and laughs if I do both for him. He just thinks it is the best. His little face lights up if I stand in front of him dancing and singing along to a song. Yesterday he even seemed to be singing along with me to some country tunes. He has a deep baby voice, so I often say that he is going to be a Country crooner like Josh Turner or that kid who just won American Idol, Scotty?

He is finally enjoying Gymboree. Three classes in a row have been a lot of fun. No fussing really and he laughs and pays attention to me. It is so incredible to see him develop. The Dr thought he was just great. He was talking, smiling, blowing raspberries, responding to me and the Dr, and moving around. He kept saying that people are going to love to be around him because he has such a great personality and is so handsome. Truer words have never been spoken! I am one incredibly lucky momma to have such a great boy as a son. We have so much fun every day. He even let me go shoe shopping yesterday and smiled and laughed. We are best friends.

These have been the best 4 months in my life. I look forward to each new day with him. Today we have swim. I have to start getting things together soon. I am not sure what we are doing for the rest of the day. It is going to be a hot one. I want to have a date with my two guys though. If I can convince the hubby to head to the mall I would like to take him to build a bear and make bears for him. It is his birthday after all!

Tags baby, baby food, birthday, children, family, love, motherhood, son

Categories Jack, Momommahood