Archives for posts with tag: books

I am a bookworm. I have been since before I learned how to read. I have vivid memories of my mom reading to me when I was a little girl. After learning how to read, I couldn’t put books down. I would spend hours in the library deciding on which books to check out next. It was always torture that I could only take a few at a time. My grandma would take me to the library with her and we would spend hours? there. To me it seemed like hours. I am not sure how long it was in actual time. As a child though, I was in that magical wonderful place for what seemed like an eternity. In college I spent a lot of time studying in the library. If I had time in between classes I would head there to read, study, work on things, or just be there.

I have worked to pass that on to Jackson and soon Alexander. Their book collection is extensive. I even have a book box where I add new books all the time and Jackson gets to pick a new book rather often. Last night I decided to grab two new books that I wanted to read to him. One of them is titled If I Could Keep You Little.

I bought this book a while ago. I read it in the store and cried. The premise is a mom who would love to keep her child little but knows she would then miss out on all the great things they did as they grew. I think this is my number one struggle as a mom. The idea that one day my boys will leave the nest. That one day I will have to let them go play outside in the big world without my hand a few inches away. I try to not be a total helicopter parent. I don’t hover constantly, especially in our home. I let Jackson play on his own. But outside, in the big scary world? He is only 3 & 1/2. I am not ready to let him wander. I don’t have to be ready quite yet, but one day I will.

The tantrums and arguing back can be hard. The bad days where we all don’t seem to sync up can be rough. But that is not the hardest part for me. With those moments I have about a 2 second rebound rate. I never feel defeated or that it drags out to the next day or even the next moment. Sometimes I can reset with just 20 minutes. It is the letting go that I know I will struggle with more and more as my boys grow.

Having a new baby on the way 4 years after we were expecting Jackson has proved that. I have seen now how much I have let go over the past 3 & 1/2 years. Much to my surprise. Things changed a little every single day. I do it, but it doesn’t mean that it was easy. To be honest, I usually still feed Jackson dinner. He can do it. He prefers me to help him. Much to my husband’s eye rolls. But one day he won’t want mommy to scoop his food and feed him. I will probably be trying to convince him to sit down and eat with us! Those are the kinds of things I think about. While I am saying “But Jackson, you are a big boy, you can feed yourself, right? You do it at breakfast and lunch!” In my head I am just perfectly fine with scooping that pasta into his mouth for him.

I made it through the book this time without crying. I didn’t even choke up when I read it to him. I even was able to point out similarities in his life and watched a big smile beam across his sweet soft face. My lap has less room these days. My belly is getting big. Less than 2 months to go until I have two boys squirming for space. But each day we cuddle on Jackson’s old rocking chair and we read books. We adjust every day to that growing belly. I suppose that is what parenting is. Every day you adjust to the changes just a touch. You have to wiggle something over to make room for something new and different. Some new skill, ability, task, thought, need, or want. Sometimes it happens without you even realizing it. When did my belly get so round? When did Jackson have to learn to sit differently on my lap? It wasn’t in one fell swoop. We grew together.

How I long to keep my boys little. Even looking back on infant photos of Jackson, which I have done more and more lately, I wonder, how did he grow into this boy? As we tucked him in and he had to show me one last fancy trick before being snuggled under his blankets I just watched his face. The book fresh in my mind. He used to be this squishy little infant, with a personality, but certainly not this specific personality. When did he grow into this little boy and leave that squishy infant behind? When did I stop using onesies? When did my world revolve around themed tshirts and pajamas? Spiderman adorned my sweetheart from head to toe last night. No more sweet baby blue footie pjs for him. He used to fit into all the clothing I have purchased for Alexander. Now, you couldn’t get a foot in some of those.

But, like that book tells me, if I kept him in those, I would miss out on him calling to me as I left “Mommy one more hug and kiss. Hugs and kisses are my favorite.” They are mine too sweet boy, whether you’re a newborn or a grown man. They will always be my favorite, in every stage you pass through.

Our growing family

Our growing family

I am taking a step away from fitness and motherhood for one moment. One blog post. What? I know, I know. But I do have more aspects to me than just those two topics. For instance, I am an avid reader. A day does not go by where I am not nose deep in a book (well my paper white kindle). Today I came across the Daily Prompt on WordPress. What a neat idea, sometimes we need a little inspiration outside of our own world view. Today was such a day for me.

The prompt for today is: Franz Kafka said, “we ought to read only books that bite and sting us.” What’s the last thing you read that bit and stung you?

Like I said, I read daily. I cannot get enough of books. I am up to date on the Pendergast and the Harry Bosch series. Both by different authors and both have well over 10 books. I think the Bosch series has closer to 20. I have read those all in the past year and a half. I love both of those characters. I recently finished both of the new books in them. I started reading each practically the day it was released. Neither of them popped into my head when I read that. No, there was another book that I read in between the two different release dates of those two latest books. It made my heart ache over and over. I cried. I cried at a book. I don’t remember the last time that happened.

The Shoemaker’s Wife is the book I write of. It was not quite what I had expected. A few times it left me feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. Not in a bad way. Ok, well it was in a sad way and totally unexpected. But, it was phenomenal. I couldn’t put it down. Adriana Trigiani wrote a beautiful tale that spans decades. It is a love story. It is a tale of immigrants. A tale of change, struggle, success, leaving, living, loving, and longing. I do not want to give too much away, because I feel that had I known the details it would not have impacted me the same. It most certainly bit and stung me, though. Some books I cannot put down but I do once they end. I move on to the next, not thinking too much of the previous, but this one will probably stay with me for a long time.

I love books deeply. I had a hard time learning to read. Once I conquered that hurdle there was no stopping me. I stayed up late reading even as a child and adolescent. I remember spending many hours at the local library, immersed in the books. Sitting on the floor in front of the shelves looking over what I wanted to borrow next. My grandma took me often. I loved being in the libraries at all of my schools. Even in college, I preferred to study in the library. Not in the large common area. No, I would find one of the desks in the stacks and plop myself there for hours. If those were all taken and I had to go to the study room, I chose one of the smaller ones that were on the 2nd or 3rd floor, and even then I got antsy. I love being around books. I am the girl who has books on her Christmas and birthday lists. It is a little different now that I have a Kindle. I have had one for two years. My husband gave me a new one this year  for Christmas. I had no idea, I didn’t ask for it, but it is amazing. I am in love even more than I was  with my old one.

Jack has a large library already. He isn’t even 2. I bought him a ton of books for Christmas. He loves to read. He begs me to read about 5 books at night. “Please, please, mom read!” I cannot wait until he truly finds a story that bites and stings him. I think I have already passed on the love of reading, I just hope he holds on to that love.

What books bite and sting you? Are you an avid reader?