Archives for posts with tag: dad

One worry I had even before getting pregnant with Alexander was “How could I ever love another baby as much as I love Jackson?” It was one reason I was hesitant to even try for another baby. I just wasn’t sure how it was possible. Even after finding out I was having another baby, I was slightly worried. Jackson has been my whole world for 3 & 1/2 years. How is there room in my heart for more love like that? I know other moms who have had the same concern, so I know I am not alone in that thinking.

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I am here to say that it is entirely possible. I have discovered that your heart just doubles its love storage. It simply opens up more space without even trying to. That baby left my body and in the space that was left over my heart took the opportunity to expand. I easily feel the same way about Alexander that I did about Jackson the moment I saw him. Pure, simple, astounding, overwhelming love. I would move mountains for both of these boys. At the same exact time if I had to.

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Reading a book to my sweethearts

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I also have more love for Jackson. I swoon every time I see him melt over Alexander. Let me just tell you what he decided to call Alex all on his own: Sunshine Face. That is what he calls his baby brother. I sometimes call Jackson that and on his own he just decided that would be his nickname for his baby brother. I about died of love when I heard him say it for the first time. A 3 & 1/2 year old using a nickname like that for his little brother. I thought to myself “I am doing something right here.” He wants to help me with everything. If I need the binky, he is there to find it. If I need a diaper, he will get one. Or any other number of small things I need help with, he is there to lend a hand.

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Watching my husband be a parent to two children has also made me love him more. He is my partner in crime. We work together and we divide and conquer. It has only been a week! Somehow, we effortlessly slipped into this rhythm. There was no laid out plan of who does what when. We just flow together and handle all that has been laid before us over this week. One night Jackson helped me cook dinner while Jason hung out with Alex. Last night I snuggled with Alex while Jason and Jackson made caramel apples together. Earlier in the day all four of us hung out in bed watching Jackson’s shows. Jason even drove to two different stores in the middle of the night and in the middle of a storm to find gas drops for Alex. He had awful gas on night and was so upset and in so much pain, we had to do something right then.

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When you look at all of this, it is safe to say maybe my heart more than doubled. It also squeezed out some more space in the Jason and Jackson spots. Everybody got some more room.

And me? I am feel very confident as a mom. I am feeling that even with the challenges that we have faced this week (there have been a few concerning Alex’s health. Jackson has had a couple of jealously moments, which is totally normal!) that I can and will do whatever it takes for all of my boys. Last night after getting Jackson in bed Alexander was hungry. Jason was holding him as I moved around the house trying to get things in order. I had to pee, I wanted to change into a nursing tank, I had to gather my boppy, water, etc. Jason was whispering to Alex, “Mommy will be ready soon. She is very busy. Lots to do here. She is almost ready. She is a busy lady.” It was true. Getting two kids situated for the night while healing from delivery is a busy time! It was nice to hear him appreciate that.

My first photo with both boys!

My first photo with both boys!

My belly is much smaller these days but my heart is much bigger. I will take that trade off any day!

I am sitting here on my couch, sipping my coffee, listening to Christmas tunes, and reflecting on the past year. Mostly thinking about the difference between last Christmas and this current one. They have both been very happy and wonderful. I thought last year was the biggest Christmas of my life, Jack’s 1st Christmas! But I have to confess that this year has blown last year out of the water. I know there is a lot of focus and importance placed on that 1st Christmas, but I think this year is even better.

Jack won’t remember a thing from last year. Not one second. He couldn’t open gifts. He couldn’t enjoy much Christmas food. I was still nursing. He has just sort of started sleeping through the night, but it wasn’t like it is now. He was not walking or talking very much. A couple times he got frustrated with the whole gift opening process. I was hosting both days. I was exhausted, swamped, and Jack really did not know what was going on. We had a wonderful time. I was excited for Christmas morning. I took videos and photos galore. I threw all of my energies into it, like I did this year. BUT this year there is a twinkle in his eye. He talks about Santa. He can actually open all of his gifts. He knows what a gift is! He knows what snowmen, elves, snowflakes, trees, lights, and candy canes are. He begged us to go play in the snow the other day.

He insists that Santa, Ho Ho, will knocky on the door, when brings Jack’s toys. Yes he says, door, knocky, Ho-ho! It makes me laugh. I have been telling him that I think Santa will be sneakier than that.

I am so excited for Christmas morning that this past week has been dragging. I am done wrapping every single gift. I really have nothing left to do for Christmas. I have to go get some food this morning, but that is it! I cannot wait for tomorrow morning. As a matter of fact I gave him one of his gifts last night. I really wanted to open it and play with it.

It is so different than last year. I see this joy in his face when he talks about all of the Christmas things. He gets excited. He wants to play with all of the ornaments on the Christmas tree. You know what, I let him. We have had a couple casualties, but mostly he only gets the shatter proof ones. I know that I am probably awful for thinking his 2nd Christmas is way cooler than his 1st, but hands down, it is. Seeing the Christmas joy in your child’s face and eyes makes such a huge difference. I imagine Christmas from here on out will be similar to this. Maybe each year topping the last. As he comprehends the world more and more.

Christmas in my house was always magical. Always. My mom went out of her way to decorate our home and our tree. I remember coming down in the morning to huge piles of gifts. Were they always super huge? Probably not, but to a child, any pile looks big. My mom always did the best with what we had for Christmas. I do not remember a non magical Christmas. Filled with lights, a tree, Christmas cheer, family parties, Christmas songs, and warm love. I have distinct memories of just the Christmas lights on in the evening as we all hung out, watching Tv or whatever. To this day I still love having only the glow of Christmas lights filling a room. I told my mom this year my passion for making Christmas so magical for Jack comes from what she always did for us. She told me it made her cry happy tears. I know now why she did it all. I thought I knew last year, but I didn’t truly understand until I saw his little face light up when I told him noises from the chimney/fireplace were Santa doing a practice run. He said HO HO! And the next time it made noise, he shouted HO HO again, all on his own. If you ask him who is coming in a couple days, well one day now, he will say “Ho Ho!” Can I stress enough how much he is into Santa? I know i keep mentioning it, but it is so cute I can’t even handle it.

Here is a look at last year and this year. Well, this year not exactly, since I cannot post Christmas photos I have not taken, but it is close enough, since Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving in this house. This year it started the day before because we were going out of town.

Last year Christmas Eve

Last year Christmas Eve

My love and me on Christmas Eve last year

My love and me on Christmas Eve last year

I took this the other day. This is one of his wonderment faces!

I took this the other day. This is one of his wonderment faces!

Loves the tree, lights, and ornaments

Loves the tree, lights, and ornaments

This was from celebrating Christmas with my inlaws last weekend. They went to SC this year to visit my sister inlaw. So we celebrated early

This was from celebrating Christmas with my inlaws last weekend. They went to SC this year to visit my sister inlaw. So we celebrated early

Merry Bearsmas. This was also our Christmas card photo!

Merry Bearsmas. This was also our Christmas card photo!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve and Day! I hope both days are filled with love, family, joy, happiness, excitement, magic, and just peace. I hope you get an opportunity to see the wonderment in a child’s face that I know I will be completely absorbed in over these next two days. Merry Christmas!!!! Also, feel free to share your thoughts on Christmas getting more awesome as your child grows. I hope I am not the only mom who thinks the 2nd is way cooler than the 1st! 😉