Yesterday we spent the day packing. Packing up our downtown Chicago condo. We are set to close on Wednesday. Meaning in TWO days we will, in all likelihood, no longer own a piece of real estate downtown.We have been trying to sell this on and off since Fall 2010. We had some renters that ended in disaster and eviction. It has been a long journey.

It is more than that though. It isn’t so much about the details of a piece of real estate that I am writing about. That was our first home together. Jason already owned it when we met, but together we made it a home in many ways. It wasn’t quite the home we have now. The home we have now is so family oriented, a bit more mature, and much more responsible. Filled with a different kind of love, care, and understanding. We moved here when I was pregnant.

But the condo was the home of our early-mid 20’s. Part of our first date was there, our first kiss was on the balcony. I can remember it clearly. That is where we had many get togethers with good friends. That is where Jason proposed! I know the exact spot in the living room. It is where we grew together as a couple. Where we had time to be young and ridiculous. Messy and lazy. Staying up until 4 am catching up on seasons of Lost, 24, and other shows. We were carefree in many ways. I was in school. I received my degree while living there. I spent many nights up scrambling to finish a paper before the next morning.

We had a lot and I mean  A LOT of fun while living there. I can recall one particular New Year’s Day hangover. I was miserable. The night before in the condo was a blast. I laid on the couch all day, drifting in and out of sleep. Jason watched a day long marathon of the Planets of the Apes movies. We ordered burgers through DiningIn. I can recall that day perfectly. That is just one example. We loved (and still do but with responsibility like a babysitter) having a good time.

That is where we made Jackson. That is where we started trying to grow our family. It is where we brought home our 3rd kitten. We fell in love there. We had fights there. We planned a wedding while living there. We had more fights there. We came home from a 2 week honeymoon to start the rest of our married life together there. It was such a huge part of us and our relationship. I didn’t really notice it at the time. Sometimes I said I hated that condo. It felt small to me at times. I wanted a little more room. As you grow sometimes the amount of things you have grow as well. Things get tight.

I love our doorman Thomas. And now I might start crying. I haven’t been able to say good bye. He doesn’t work weekends. Yup, here come the tears. Once I thought about him my emotions lost it. He is a wonderful man. So friendly. I have spent HOURS and HOURS talking to him. There were a few other doormen that came and went. I always liked them all but none of them were Thomas. I have never gotten sad or cried when thinking we wouldn’t see any of them again. My family and Jason’s family loved Thomas too. He is just a warm spirit. He has met Jack. We even have a photo together. The 3 of us. When Jack was 4 months old. Yeah this paragraph and trip down memory lane just made me lose it.

I know we didn’t want to live the rest of our life in that particular unit. It is hard to grow as a family there. It was a great bachelor/young adult pad. It was gorgeous. It was perfect for that. It was perfect for that part of our life. Jack loves playing there the times we have taken him. But it just wasn’t right for the rest of our family life together. I keep telling myself that. Maybe one day I will actually believe it.

I miss the city in so many ways. Often too. I am not miserable in the suburbs. There are wonderful things about living out here. Seeing Jack play in our yard is one of them. Walking to a huge park that is on a quiet lake is another. Running around the lake like I do. There are good things about the Burbs. I just really loved the city. Living in the heart of downtown Chicago is a way of life. If you do it you have to love it. We loved it. I miss our restaurants and how it was empty on weekends. We lived in the business/theater district. So literally a couple blocks over from Sears (Willis) Tower and right down the street from Daley Plaza. I miss just going for a walk through the city for the heck of it together. We go on walks out here. But the people watching isn’t as great. Ha!

I am sad today. I could write on and on about nostalgic things. I could write every happy memory, every fight, every moment. I won’t keep going though. It will only make it tougher in the long run. Yesterday was much easier because Jackson kept me so distracted. He went to bed after 10. I doubt he will be up any time soon. It is going to be a long sad morning! Ha! We have to do something fun today. The weather has cooled. So I want to go do something distracting.

Good bye old faithful friend. Thank you for being such a huge part of my 20’s. Thank you for being such a big part of my relationship and marriage. Thank you for all the fun crazy times we had there. Thank you for nursing my hangovers. Thank you for giving the me experience of living in downtown Chicago. Thank you. I will miss you. I half hope the deal falls apart on Wednesday. There I said it. Honesty and all…..