Archives for posts with tag: mom guilt

Yes, we wore these to see the film.

I have been waiting some fourteen years to see this sequel. My kids have been waiting a handful of years. I feel like their waiting pales in comparison to mine, so I argue that I was more excited than they were to see this film. We were all pretty into it though. And what’s more exciting than dressing up like characters together and going to see a film on a Saturday afternoon? For us, not much else. We are nerdy-nerds. And totally comfortable with that.

This movie did not disappoint. It was so engaging and funny. It has many feminist themes to it, including balancing modern mother and womanhood. Being a working mom. It covered mom-guilt and changing familial dynamics when a mom goes back to working outside of the home. It showed Elastigirl becoming increasingly comfortable with the idea of being the star and finding herself again. This is something that many mothers will instantly recognize and relate to. So often, we lose ourselves, especially in the years when the kids are little. It is hard to shift out of mom mode and into woman mode, and it can be scary. At some point though, you find the balance and you begin to cherish your life outside of your kids. Or rather, you begin to give yourself permission to feel enjoyment without them and enjoyment with them. You begin to shed some of the crushing guilt, so that it becomes just this low-grade subtle guilt. I argue, it never really goes away, it sort of lingers in the background. We adapt and get better at managing it.

I couldn’t help but feel the twinge of guilt myself when today, my child said he would rather I quit writing and quit helping refugees so I could just devote all of my attention to him (and his brother, but he didn’t explicitly mention the still sharing my attention with another human thing) I explained to him I can’t do that because I like, no love, what I do. And I am doing exciting things. Mind you, this was at the Field Museum, and we were spending the entire day together, my attention and time was theirs. But littles, they always want more!


Back to the film. Another one of my favorite things, and this goes for the first film as well, is that it explores marriage problems and joys that married couples with kids encounter. It didn’t shy away from those themes the second time around. It puts these issues in front of the audience faces with humor. It’s very relatable and I couldn’t help but look over a few times at my husband and chuckle. I think this is one of the key reasons why I feel so drawn to this franchise. They address these topics head on and they do it so intelligently. It all rings true and even though these are cartoons, adults will relate to Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl’s dynamics, problems, love, and bond.

Jack-Jack is certainly adorable. I cannot get enough of his giggle and they did a great job with presenting his multitude of powers. Perhaps, he is the most incredible of the Incredibles. It was precious and hilarious. Arguably, the best relationship in this film is Jack-Jack and Edna Mode. When you see it, you will understand. Perfection!

Mr. Incredible’s taste of exactly what motherhood entails was spot on and again, hilarious. Hilarious is a theme in this film! My husband is super hands-on with our kids and is truly my partner, but when it comes down to it, I end up carrying a lot of the parenting load because, they want me or they need me or because my schedule is more flexible (the perks of working remotely and being a writer). Moms will thoroughly appreciate seeing what Mr. Incredible’s transformation from cocky/confident about dealing with things, to totally wiped out because, kids are damn hard to take care of.

I cannot wait to see this film again and I know it will end up on our regular rotation of afternoon movie sessions on the couch. It was a hit with all of us. If you haven’t seen it and loved the first, go! You will not be disappointed.

Last Thursday we received a final diagnosis for some issues our little guy has been having his entire life. Long story short he has Food-Protein Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome or F-PIES. In simple terms it is a food allergy affecting the GI tract. You can check out that link for a ton more information. He also has a blood test coming up next week to check for a ton of other food allergies. We will have some more information on those in the next coming weeks.

I have known something was off with him since he was born. He has always been a puker. He had a hard time gaining weight. Once we started introducing solid foods and eventually dairy milk (he seems to be lactose intolerant on top of F-PIES), his vomiting and diarrhea continued. The offending foods so far have been bananas and avocados. If he eats them, it never fails, a couple hours later is his vomiting profusely. One time he got so dehydrated and in distress that I rushed him to the ER.

From what I have been reading over the last 5 days, my breastmilk likely was not helping him. I say this because I live to eat bananas. Or at least I did. They are dead to me now. But I would freeze plates of them and eat them like chips. I would eat them in my smoothies Every day that baby was being exposed to something that made him ill. I had no idea.

I did bring this up on multiple occasions. I showed up to doctor’s appointments with a list of symptoms and incidents. Before he was on solids, because he was still happy and not seemingly in pain after throwing up it was dismissed as reflux. However, not a serious reflux so he never needed medication. He would just outgrow it. I was referred to some allergists by our pediatrician after the multiple fruit incidents. We researched them and picked one. When I called, they refused to see him because he was under 1. Since we wanted to see her and everyone else said they really didn’t think it was an allergy because he was only throwing up etc, we waited. I feel awful.

When we did finally see her, we hated her. The whole experience was miserable. I won’t go into individual details, but it was a bad time for all four of us. Then she had no idea about FPIES but thought it could sound like that. She left the room and literally Googled it. She printed what she found and gave it to us. Promising to call us back that week. She didn’t call back until a week later. We went home and found the exact information she gave us on our very first Google search. We were not happy. I called my pediatrician and explained the potential diagnosis. It then clicked with her that she has a couple patients with that and has another allergist who works with them.

I saw him last week. He was amazing. He is very versed in F-PIES. He went through the whole process with me. We scheduled the blood tests. He prescribed EPI Pens, that I now have to carry at all times. He needs them in case he gets to the point of dehydration he got to before the one ER visit. It won’t stop the allergic reaction, but it will bring his blood pressure back up and prevent a more serious situation that comes from that kind of distress on the body. We were given a letter to give to the paramedics and ER so they understand what this rare syndrome is. As we have learned, many doctors are not familiar with it at all.

The last five days have been incredibly reflective for me. I will literally never forgive myself for not figuring this out earlier. I will never forgive myself for eating the very food that makes him so ill and then continue to breastfeed. I will never forgive myself for his struggle to grow during his first year. I feel just terrible. I feel terrible that I didn’t demand more answers. I feel awful that I just accepted the fact that this one allergist didn’t see babies under 1. Why didn’t I pursue another allergist who WOULD see him? Why did I want to see her so badly based on silly online reviews? Why did I just accept his throwing up as reflux? Why didn’t I Google more and more and more? I get a lot of comments for how much I Google symptoms. I always hear that I shouldn’t freak out because of what I had found on Google. What if I had searched a few more terms and come across F-PIES when he was 6 months old? What if? What if? What if? Mom guilt, it is for real. I have never quite experienced it like I have in the last 5 days. I have felt guilty over other things, especially with balancing two kids. They are both playing around me as I type this. Jackson trying to show me some monster truck tricks and Alexander is raiding the pantry. I have fed, played with, read to, and bathed them already today. It is not even 10, so a few minutes to get this off my chest is not a big deal, yet I still feel kind of guilty. But nothing about how I feel over the first entire year of my sweet baby boy’s life. Maybe the next 5 days will be easier….


Today my plan is to get out and about without Jack man. I want to go shopping by myself. He hates being at the mall and hate being in the dressing room. I cannot really blame him. It is probably very boring and not very engaging. I am still feeling guilty about times when I am not with him. Last night I was even feeling guilty about all the time I spent making him food this week. At least once a day for the past 3 days I have made him some food. I totally have that “I have to do it all” mentality. I keep telling myself I can’t feel guilty for not playing with him because I am making dinner or making him baby food or cleaning up the kitchen or washing clothing! I am taking care of him by doing all of that. It is not like I am sitting around letting him cry while I just nap or ignore him. And I am not abusing him like that 21 year old “pot mom” Who spanked her 10 month old (I am entirely against spanking in any way, shape, or form, so this is especially upsetting to me) and blew marijuana smoke in this poor child’s mouth! This story had me near tears this week. Also, a warning, the spanking is on the video in the article so if you find that very upsetting I would skip watching it. I happened to see it on a news clip on the TV.

So I try to take time each night, if I am feeling bad that he wanted to play all day and I had to get a few things done so he had to entertain himself, to remind myself that those things are making his quality of life better. He is also very all about momma. He always wants to be in my arms. Which can make getting things done a bit tough. I told Jason on Thursday night that I just needed a couple hours to myself to get out of the house for a breather. So I can get new fall clothing without having to sing songs while half dressed in the dressing room. My mom told me that this is perfectly normal. That it is GOOD for Jack and I to have some time apart. I am not a bad mom for wanting one afternoon to myself. I am still trying to convince myself of that. Last Sunday was so fun getting out with the girls. Jack lit up when I got home. That feeling was nice. He missed me and I missed him. I will keep that thought in mind today.

I mentioned that I have been a baby food cooking machine the past few days. Here is my latest culinary masterpiece. I am not joking either. I considered snacking on his food last night after he went to bed. But I resisted since I ate a good deal of it while preparing it.

mmmm they are so delicious and healthy!

Baked Gala apples with cinnamon sprinkled on them! The recipe called for butter, but I omitted it. I have given him yogurt but I did not want to introduce butter at such an early age. He doesn’t need it. I don’t use butter a lot in my cooking, so there is no need for him to get accustomed to that in his food already. There is lots of time in life later for him to want butter! I cored the apples, placed them in the pan, filled it with a generous amount of water, and sprinkled with cinnamon. I then baked them at 400 for 40 minutes. I did include some of the skins when pureeing them. But I cut some off and snacked on the parts that were “scraps.” OH MY were they yummy! This kid eats like a king. I also finished off the extra applesauce. There was a nice amount left in the blender but not enough to fill up an entire freezer tray so I ate it.

We also had a first yesterday. He was successful at eating finger food himself! I milled some cheerios into “dust” then sprinkled it on his sweet potato chunks. He was able to grab them and scoop them into his mouth. I was so proud of him. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I was calling people and chirping all about his awesome accomplishment. He was so excited to be able to do it too. It was like he was trying to eat popcorn! I videoed it, so no pics sorry! But he did awesome and I am so proud of my big guy! He is developing so well!

Do you have “guilt” about momma things? How do you remind yourself that you are doing a great job? Are you able to take time for yourself? If so, how often? Do you feel guilty when you do?

What are some other “finger foods” you found went over well with your little one?