Archives for posts with tag: mother

Not A Lot of Mom in Me Today

July 19, 2018 //
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Covered in reminders of things to do, woman freaks out!

I know I joke a lot about the boys. Like, a lot. I post a lot about their funny and absurd situations and sayings. And I share hilarious memes about how insane parenting is. But sometimes, it’s so hard and draining. Really really really really…..hard.

This week has been one of those weeks juxtaposed with incredible exciting news and progress in my work life.

My seven year old being home and not going to camp, like we planned this summer, has made things super challenging for me. I am balancing four different worlds of work, plus two kids, full time.

I have a three year old that hasn’t been sleeping in his bed which means, I haven’t been getting sleep.

I’ve dragged them to meetings and coffee shop write sessions. I’ve carted them to and from swim lessons, piano, summer camp (little one is still in his), doctor appointments, make breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, and snacks so many damn snacks, all while balancing my work load. And this is the job, I know that. I’ve done it for 7.5 years.

Yesterday I had a huge moment in my writing career and they managed to destroy it for me. I am going to say it, and it sounds harsh because they’re kids, but sometimes kids are crazy. Sometimes, they don’t act right. I love them, I would kill for them, I would die for them but yesterday, they didn’t act right.

I had a meeting with my writing coach and what turned into a kid free meeting transitioned to one kid and then after a preschooler morning tantrum begging to stay home, transitioned into me dragging two kids across the city to sit in a coffee shop quietly while I met.

They forgot what the word quiet meant. Erased it from their cognitive function. They were so bad. Jack was challenging me and just disrespectful and defiant. Alex followed his lead. A meeting that I paid an hour for lasted less then thirty minutes. Because I decided to cut it short, after the second “I have to poop, mommy!” statement came. Yes, somehow, two preschooler poops in under thirty minutes.

During one of the brief moments we had to chat before another interruption, she said that the way I was diving into the characters and how I portray these family relationships could really make this book a hit.

Do you know how long I have been waiting to hear those words? I have dreamed of writing a novel since I was a child. And my children, interrupted that blissful bubble within seconds by complaining and throwing things and acting so rude.

I couldn’t even relish that comment. I didn’t even get two seconds of pure bliss about it.

I know this post may seem whiny and complainy, but I truly don’t do this a lot with my kids. I take it all with a grain of salt, mostly. I crack jokes and find the absurd humor in how wild a ride this is. Because it is. And if you don’t fucking laugh, you will just sit in a corner and cry about it. And that’s no fun.

But this time was different. It was too far. This time was a dream of mine and all I asked for was for them to sit quietly on their devices, which you would think would be amazing. Unlimited unsupervised screen time! They couldn’t. They wouldn’t. They didn’t. They refused.

Moms have limits. Edges. Every so often our precious bundles of joy nudge a little too close and, boop, we go over that edge. This was me yesterday. Right over the edge. I am burnt out, to say it gently.

Being a working mom, especially a work from home freelancer extraordinaire mom is fucking hard. I am expected to be a full time mom and a full time writer/officer/director/secretary (these are all the hats I wear). I wear them by choice. They are all passion projects. I want to wear them. But I also want someone to cut me some fucking slack, coughcoughkidscoughcough.

I don’t have a lot of mom in me today. I have been lazy. I haven’t been able to focus on my book, which I should still be riding that comment/thought, but I was just staring at my document and nada. I did feel all of this that I poured into this post. Maybe this will help. Writing is my catharsis, after all. Maybe I will use what happened yesterday in the book somehow, twisting and turning that moment into the story I have been pouring every fiber of my being into. Art imitates life.

But today, today, I wanted to feel sorry for myself. Tomorrow, tomorrow they go away for the weekend with Grandma. Tomorrow, I reset. Tomorrow, I write.

 

 

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Categories motherhood, Uncategorized

Rainy Day Remedy

August 21, 2014 //
1

I have started and failed to finish several posts this week. It has been difficult for me to get into a good writing flow. They were all very long posts but they just didn’t seem right to me. They all were incomplete as well. I have had a lot on my mind but the words just won’t form correctly. Today, though, I am going to try a bit harder.

Yesterday evening I was thinking to myself that I would really enjoy it if I had a rainy day tomorrow. A day to just slow me down a little bit. A reason to stay inside, cuddled up with my sweetheart. A day where I could use the bad weather as an excuse to not run errands, go somewhere fun, walk to the park, or whatever ever else came up. 

For over a week I haven’t slept through the night. Last night was no exception. As I lay in bed I considered a walk to the park with Jackson today. No workout, take a rest day because I haven’t taken a rest day in over a week either. But a nice 1.5 mile walk and maybe some swimming. My brain was active as I lay in bed considering all the things I could do today. I finally decided to get myself up for the day, having stayed in bed a bit later knowing I didn’t plan on fitting in a workout. Alexander started slowing moving around, then kicking. It was time to start my day. 

Imagine my surprise as I waddled into my kitchen, not greeted by the usual beaming sunlight that radiates through the massive set of windows we have. I was greeted by grey sky, rain, clouds, and utter wetness outside. My heart skipped a beat. My rainy day! I hadn’t even checked the weather forecast yesterday. I had no idea rain was coming. I just wished it would, to force me to slow down a touch. As I sit here and write I am accompanied by the sounds of rain falling on my skylights. Heavy raindrops writing their own song. Jackson is still asleep. He likes to sleep late on rainy mornings. There is no sun radiating around the small space around his blackout blinds. 

I am not sure what we will do today. My dishes could be washed. I was too tired last night to wash the ones from dinner. Legos are already spread across my kitchen table. Except for the small area I am afforded for my meals and well my laptop I am typing on now. We have a ton of books we could read. I have a new big Ninja Turtles coloring/activity book we could make our marks on. Maybe we will do all of them. If he keeps sleeping much longer, there won’t be a nap today. Especially on a day where we don’t wear ourselves out playing outside or going on an adventure. 

As I sipped my coffee earlier, watching the rainy day, I couldn’t help but thank my Gma (that is what I called her a lot). I can’t help but feel like she may have had a hand in providing me with exactly what I needed this week. Forcing me to slow down a little, her girl who is always on the go. Thanks Gma, you did me a solid. 

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View from my kitchen

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Categories family, Loss

Your crib is SO cool Jack!

July 27, 2012 //
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When you’re a parent it is your job to help your child through difficult parts of their life. Jack will be 18 months on August 4th, so the difficult things in his life aren’t overly tough to handle. For him they are, but as an adult they really are just small bumps.

I love to be creative. I am a creative person by nature. I have been my whole life. I march to my own beat. I have embraced that. Jack is a lot like me. I try to remember that when trying to overcome certain bumps in the road.

Most recently he went from going to bed quietly and peacefully to full on hour long scream sessions. He was tired. He goes to bed very late. 9-10pm some nights. But suddenly he was acting terrified of his crib. Clinging to me like he was terrified for his life as I tried to lay him down. His face would break my heart. I knew he wasn’t just being a brat. He was upset about something. It was like he was genuinely scared. We have crib toys that light up for him. Two of them actually. We turned them on for him, as night lights. He also knows how to turn both on himself. So he had a light night on a timer. But the problem wasn’t so much in the middle of the night as really when it was bedtime. We read stories before, we have those night lights. What is going on here? I can’t listen to this sad crying anymore! My poor poor baby! But I am also not going to rock him all night long and sleep in a chair. He is almost a year and a half, close to 30lbs and closer and closer to 40inches. He is a big kid and not a newborn!

Then we decided to step up our game. By nature, he is not a scaredy cat. Not at all. In fact he is incredibly brave and usually has no problem jumping right into trying something new out. So we decided to make bed time a little more fun. We started pointing out all the amazing things about his room and his crib. He is very bright and understands everything we say. He responds to requests and questions. He has a lot of words for a 17 month old. So we know he understands as we explain this. He has glow in the dark stars on his walls and ceiling. He can say star. So we reminded him of those and how at night if he is upset to look at them because they glow and THAT is awesome! We pointed out his Cars bedding, his sheets, big blanket, and pillow. Mater and Lightning are all over them. Then we point out his stuffed Lightning and Mater. We remind him that he can bring his books to bed with him, if he feels like reading. Finally we point out his amazing crib toys that light up and all he has to do is press the button!!!! He started to get so excited and smiled and REACHED for his crib. We have done this a couple nights in a row now. Bedtime has been going much more peacefully.

With Jack we are lucky to be able to put a positive spin on things, distract from the negative (most times, not always like a tantrum at the grocery store where he is DONE running errands! ha!)

We also recently did this with an amazing thunder and lightening storm. It was loud and bright. He is older now so I thought he might get frightened if this is going on when he is sleeping. We all went upstairs, to our bedroom. Opened our big blinds. We have huge windows that overlook the lake. I turned off all the lights inside and we watched the lightening like a fireworks show. Jason and I ooooo’d and ahhhhh’d. Jack LOVED it. Stood on the window ledge (we held him still) and tapped the windows, smiling, making noise himself. That night we didn’t hear a peep from him.

So we keep trying out these “making things cool trick.” It works for now. It is a great trick to have under my belt. It helps that his personality is more tuned into responding to this kind of spin. No doubt about that.

What do you do to help your child(ren) through a tough time or stage? Are yours easily frightened? Or do they tend to barrel through life and think after, like Jack. How do you handle bedtime protests?

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Categories family, Jack, Momommahood, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, playtime, preschool activities, toddler, Toddler activities, toddlerhood, weather

Results

May 14, 2012 //
0

Well I suppose I have to write this update. I avoided it yesterday. It was Mother’s Day and I was exhausted. I had other things to do.

I ran my race yesterday morning. My mom arrived just before 7am. We headed over. My boys showed up shortly before the start time. Jack looked tired and hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. But he wasn’t screaming his head off. He was a good little fan! Jason woke him up to bring him over.

I ran it. I gave it my all. I decided to not use my app that updates you on your average mile time. On Saturday I had a crappy run and I think when I heard the first average, which by normal means wasn’t slow but still felt too slow for my liking, I got really psyched out. I didn’t want to get that negativity in my head. I did have my Polar heart rate monitor on though, so I could roughly check up on my time if I chose to and was ready for it.

There were a lot of hills. A LOT. Now there are a few beauties on my normal running route but there were several more on this course and they were not little quick hills. That isn’t an excuse but I just wasn’t as prepared as I wish I would have been.

I ran the whole thing, as I expected. No walking. That was really a given though. I can’t remember the last time I walked during a 3 mile run.

I was able to really sprint the last .2 mile and cross the finish line in a nice 26:22. That was about 30 seconds under last year’s 3rd place! WHAT?!?!?I did it, right?

No, other than making my time goal, I didn’t place. As I stated in my last post I had to give it my all and leave the rest up to circumstance. Circumstance won this year. I came in 6th in my age group. There were 72 women in my age group and I came in 6th. In the grand scheme of things that is not bad at all. But it wasn’t what I wanted. I would have died if I had a 28 minute 5k like Saturday morning. I am finding solace in that. This was also my fastest race result ever! That is a personal best!

I also had a fantastic 2nd Mother’s Day! It was really great. I got to see my boys just before I sprinted across the finish line. They were there cheering me on! Jack fed me blueberries as we sat around waiting to hear about the awards. I was able to check my results before the announced the awards so I knew what was or rather wasn’t coming. But I decided to stick around and see the awards given. So we hung out. Jack met some dogs. It was a nice morning. We came home I got ready and we all hung out outside.

Jackson tried my salsa for the first time! Salsa and tortilla chips. It is spicy. But he loved it!

My hubby grilled me lunch. Filet Mignon, red, green, and orange peppers (a fave of mine!), and a red potato. After lunch I took a nap! Then we spent the rest of the day just lounging around the living room watching movies and playing.

The boys gave me a pepper set and a rub set from Dean and Deluca! I used one rub on my steak yesterday. Yummmmy! I am big into pepper so that was right up my alley. There are all sorts of different peppers I haven’t heard of in it. I can’t wait to use it in some of the homemade seasonings I make.

The next race I have is the Dirty Girl Mud Run on June 30th. I am on a team for that so I doubt I will be worrying about time. I mean it would be kind of a jerk move to ditch all of my teammates just to try to be the best! haha I think I will take it easy on that one, have fun, get filthy, and take some ridiculous photos! 🙂 I am running it with my aunt and a couple of girlfriends I haven’t seen in a very long time. I would rather catch up with them and have a silly time. I think it will feel nice to just enjoy myself.

My boy and me on our 2nd Mother’s Day! He looks annoyed because as you can see, I interrupted his chalk time. But it was Mother’s Day and what else did he expect? Moms get to be extra annoying that day and you have to give into our whims. haha!

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Categories Exercise, fitness, Healthy Living, Jack, Momommahood, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, Running, toddler, toddlerhood, working out