Archives for posts with tag: son

Yesterday I came incredibly close to losing my first born child and my youngest cousin. This story has a happy ending. It is a story that I want to share though. I have been talking about it a lot all day, if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know this, except, as the day has progressed the initial shock of it has worn off. I actually cried about it for the first time this afternoon. I cry at commercials, songs, shows, movies, and books, so for me to not have tears until 24 hours later means I was taking time to process this.

We arrived at a family party yesterday afternoon. Jackson loves their pool and immediately wanted to go swimming. He is a strong swimmer. He has been swimming unassisted for over a year. He has been in water since he was 3 months old. We are human fishes. We are merpeople! Ha! I lathered him up in sunblock and sent him on his way. There was a large number of adults outside right by the pool. My cousin Gavin was also swimming. I thought nothing of it.

I chased down Alex with sunblock, then I pinned my squiggly toddler to the floor to get his face covered. I handed him to my dad and started to apply my sunblock. Jason had been standing nearby. Then he wasn’t there anymore. Then someone came and told me Jackson and Gavin almost drowned. I don’t remember who. Or exactly how it was phrased. I had tunnel vision. I looked out the window as I dashed outside, seeing my husband lifting Jackson off of the pool ladder. My aunt was getting out of the pool as well, soaking wet, fully clothed. I made my way over and saw my child shaking and hugging his dad. Then I got the story.

Gavin’s arm floats had fallen off at some point. He began to struggle. Jackson saw him. His first instinct was to swim over, grab his cousin, try to help him up, and then begin to swim towards safety. Gavin began to panic and pulled the both of them under. Which is a pretty normal reaction to drowning. You hear about that happening a lot. My aunt Bridget trying to reach for them from the outside of the pool. My aunt Jenny jumped into the pool, in her clothing, to save both boys.

Jackson is 5 years old. He tried to save someone’s life. He tried to save his cousin’s life. He told me last night that he just tried to hold his breath as long as he could when he was going under. He did his best. The amount of calmness this child dealt with this entire situation astounds me. He was calm enough to see someone drowning and tried his best to save that person. He didn’t freeze or scream, he went in to help, not even thinking of the possible outcomes. Then he was calm enough while struggling to remember to hold his breath under water. He is 5 years old! 5!

Both boys were fine. They are both fine today. Jackson is a bit banged up. He has some scratches on his neck. I noticed those this afternoon. Both boys got back in the pool a little later. No further situations developed. I was glad they both felt safe enough to try and swim again.


Yesterday I could have lost my son and cousin or just one of them. Our family could be spending our Monday a lot differently. We could be in a hospital hoping someone pulled through. We could be planning a funeral for a tiny human. The magnitude of that is not lost on me. I am thankful that Jackson saw Gavin and that pulled the adults’ attention to the pool. I am thankful my aunt reacted quickly enough to save both children. It makes me sick that I was inside chatting away with my Dad about freaking sunscreen! As I slathered it on my arms. I know I could not have known what was about to happen. I know these things happen in the blink of an eye. I know that they are both safe. But in a different blink of an eye that all could have ended tragically.

jackson smile

I have been cherishing my sweet boy today. We checked on him as he slept last night. I rubbed his face and covered him with a blanket. I have been calling him a hero, because he is. I told him he is a good person and so very brave. I let him pick out a toy at the store and any treats he wanted. I have hugged and kissed him. We built lego sets and played a board game over and over. I let him listen to the song he wanted in the car over and over. He had his summer reading tutor over this afternoon. We told her the story. As I was saying it out loud I lost it. I told her that is the first time I had started to cry thinking of what could have happened. She said, “yeah I bet you were in shock still. I am going to cry!” I think that is a fair conclusion.

He makes the world a better place, even if he hadn’t done what he did. He is so bright and sunny. He is so personable and friendly. He can talk for hours. He lights up the world. The world could have lost that light yesterday. I am so thankful that I get to continue to raise this incredible human being.


After we got home and the boys in bed, we were cleaning up the kitchen. It was a disaster. I was exhausted. I kept grumbling about all the dishes and mess. My husband said to me “Better dirty dishes to complain about than only having one kid.” I was confused at first but then he explained what he meant. Our complaints could have been far more serious last night. I will take a kitchen full of dirty dishes at the end of a long weekend over losing my sweet child any day.

I am lounging on my couch as I start this post. Not necessarily because I want to be lounging around, but because I am supposed to be lounging around more. 

Wednesday I went to my weekly OB appointment and follow up ultrasound. The appointment was at 11. I expected to be home by 11:45 the latest. Instead I was sent to the hospital by my OB and immediately admitted for further tests. The reason I was having a follow up ultrasound was because they have been monitoring my amniotic fluid. Well, the results of this week were 5.8. Which is borderline immediate induction low. Below 5 and they would have induced me being 35 weeks along. 

I was tested for a break in my water bag. That came back negative. Well, all 4 tests for that came back negative. They put my on IV fluids and there I stayed. I wasn’t supposed to get up for much more than to pee. The plan was continuous IV until Thursday morning when they would give me another ultrasound. If my amniotic fluid was 8 or higher I would be released. 

I happened to have fallen the previous Saturday. I was playing soccer in my driveway with my son and husband. Nothing intense as Jackson is 3 & 1/2. Just normal kicking the ball around. I went to get the ball and my foot got stuck in between one of our brick pavers. I fell down. I landed in a lunge (yay Pilates!!) So my left knee took the brunt of the fall. My belly next to my right leg, which didn’t hit the ground. I was fine. I stopped playing and went inside, but there was nothing to worry about. I did mention it, just in case. Turns out, I should have kept my mouth shut. The labeled me a FALL risk because of it. I had awful obnoxious signs on my door and I got a lovely accessory. IMG_7749

Even my husband laughed at me for this. It was so over the top. A non pregnant person would have wiped out too. The tip of my foot was literally stuck in a hole! I probably went down better than most people because I am in such good shape. I made my opinion on this heard. That I thought it was absurd! 

My sweetheart came to visit me after school. I was so happy to see him. He really cheered up my day. I missed him terribly after he left though. I certainly would have preferred to be at home snuggling with him over sitting in a hospital bed pondering the fact that in a few hours I may have a premature baby.

My sweetheart

My sweetheart

Things were a little boring after he left. My husband stayed with me. My mom took Jackson to our home and spent the night with him. I didn’t sleep much more than an hour all night. Labor and delivery beds are NOT comfy for overnight sleep, especially if you are not in active labor about to meet your new baby. Plus, my separated pelvis was highly irritated from sitting and laying on the rock hard surface. I listened to two babies be born. I listened to my unborn baby’s heart beat on the monitor. I listened to different mediation tracks on Spotify. I worried about what the morning would bring. I had a nightmare about a garish blood draw. I finally gave up around 6:30am and got up for the day. 

My breakfast left something to be desired. I was pretty disappointed with my burnt toast. I didn’t order anything else except fruit. I ate the toast. But it tasted like it looks. 

mmm burnt toast

mmm burnt toast

We were supposed to be waiting until 11 for my next ultrasound. I kept counting the hours. How many more I had left. I finally switched to sitting in the rocking chair. Ahhh sweet relief for my pelvis. The nurse came in shortly after. It was just past 10am. My primary OB was in the hospital and changed my ultrasound to right that minute. We were thrilled. Again I was constantly sending mental vibes to my uterus, “please be at 8 or higher. Please” I laid there watching the screen and the face of the tech, trying to determine the results. I saw him type very low centimeter results in all the scans. 1 here 2 there. In the back of my brain rationalizing, they must add that all up. They must! Finally he told us “It is looking like it is 8. Yeah 8.”

I was hopeful on the ride back to my room, but ultimately it was up to my OB to decide what to do. Almost 3 bags of fluids and I was just at an 8. Not 8 point something. Flat 8. We sat in our room waiting. Finally the nurse came in and said “The gods must be with you. You’re being released!” 

That was the fantastic news. The bad news. I am not out of the woods yet. We have a follow up ultrasound and appointment on Monday. It is likely that I will be closely monitored from here on out. Also, I am not allowed to exercise anymore. I am not on bedrest, but I am supposed to take it easy in general. I can do normal every day activities. I have to watch what I lift. I am not supposed to lift Jackson unless it is absolutely necessary. 

Monday will determine what happens next. I will be just over 36 weeks, still not full term. It will help to decide how often I have to see my Dr, how often I need an ultrasound, if I need to be sent back to the hospital for more fluids, or if I need to be induced. It is a big day, that Monday.

I am not good at sitting still. I hate it too much, actually. I am pretty upset that I cannot exercise anymore. I do not know the last time I went this long without working out. 8 years? I don’t know. My husband is treating me like a porcelain doll. Another thing I hate. I am very independent. I don’t like being overly babied. I hated being pushed around in the wheelchair. You have read my feelings on the fall risk situation. I like to do things for myself. It is hard to take a break. I insisted on grocery shopping myself today. It is a normal every day activity. I didn’t lift one grocery bag in or out of my car though. I went to Old Navy for comfy yoga pants to lounge in. If I have to be lounging, I want to be able to wear something comfy. I also got a pedicure. That was the only thing I didn’t have to defend to my husband. He is fine with spa treatments, since you sit around being pampered. As I was leaving for my pedicure my husband said “you have almost used up all your allotted walking time today” He was hoping the Dr would put me on bed rest or at the least very limited activity. I have explained to him being told not to exercise is a prison sentence for me and that since I can do normal every day activity he has to give me some room here. That being said, I have been taking sitting down breaks. Compromise. 

That is where I am this Friday afternoon. Sarcastic, annoyed, and well, frankly, a little worried deep down. I don’t want him born prematurely. It is a hard balance. I want to be my normal exercising active self but I don’t want to cause harm to my little spitfire. Wish us luck on Monday. I am going to take it easy this weekend. Other than Tae Kwon Do for Jacky, we have no plans. I will be trying to not be a cranky lady who hasn’t been allowed to workout. I am trying to adjust to my new normal. 

I have started and failed to finish several posts this week. It has been difficult for me to get into a good writing flow. They were all very long posts but they just didn’t seem right to me. They all were incomplete as well. I have had a lot on my mind but the words just won’t form correctly. Today, though, I am going to try a bit harder.

Yesterday evening I was thinking to myself that I would really enjoy it if I had a rainy day tomorrow. A day to just slow me down a little bit. A reason to stay inside, cuddled up with my sweetheart. A day where I could use the bad weather as an excuse to not run errands, go somewhere fun, walk to the park, or whatever ever else came up. 

For over a week I haven’t slept through the night. Last night was no exception. As I lay in bed I considered a walk to the park with Jackson today. No workout, take a rest day because I haven’t taken a rest day in over a week either. But a nice 1.5 mile walk and maybe some swimming. My brain was active as I lay in bed considering all the things I could do today. I finally decided to get myself up for the day, having stayed in bed a bit later knowing I didn’t plan on fitting in a workout. Alexander started slowing moving around, then kicking. It was time to start my day. 

Imagine my surprise as I waddled into my kitchen, not greeted by the usual beaming sunlight that radiates through the massive set of windows we have. I was greeted by grey sky, rain, clouds, and utter wetness outside. My heart skipped a beat. My rainy day! I hadn’t even checked the weather forecast yesterday. I had no idea rain was coming. I just wished it would, to force me to slow down a touch. As I sit here and write I am accompanied by the sounds of rain falling on my skylights. Heavy raindrops writing their own song. Jackson is still asleep. He likes to sleep late on rainy mornings. There is no sun radiating around the small space around his blackout blinds. 

I am not sure what we will do today. My dishes could be washed. I was too tired last night to wash the ones from dinner. Legos are already spread across my kitchen table. Except for the small area I am afforded for my meals and well my laptop I am typing on now. We have a ton of books we could read. I have a new big Ninja Turtles coloring/activity book we could make our marks on. Maybe we will do all of them. If he keeps sleeping much longer, there won’t be a nap today. Especially on a day where we don’t wear ourselves out playing outside or going on an adventure. 

As I sipped my coffee earlier, watching the rainy day, I couldn’t help but thank my Gma (that is what I called her a lot). I can’t help but feel like she may have had a hand in providing me with exactly what I needed this week. Forcing me to slow down a little, her girl who is always on the go. Thanks Gma, you did me a solid. 


View from my kitchen

I have been struggling to get Jack to nap in his crib for about a month at this point. He LOVES to nap in his swing.

He has been doing that since he was about 2 1/2 weeks old. That thing was and to some extent still is a lifesaver for us. It really soothed him early on. It allowed me to get some sleep when he would wake up at 4 am and not want to go back to sleep in his crib. I would sleep on the couch while he went back to sleep in this swing. At that point it is all about survival. You got to do what you can to get some rest yourself. Then it turned in to him only napping in it during the day. Luxurious 3 hour naps in here.

But I always feel as though I cannot leave  him alone too long. Or at least I did. It is easier now. I can take a shower without panicking the whole time. He is safe, buckled in, and sound asleep. Not much different than the crib.

But I feel like I never get a break. I nurse him, so I am always up with him when he needs to eat in the middle of the night. We are tethered together. I LOVE it. But every human being needs a small amount of time to just be alone or have a breather. So for me this break is found when he naps in his room during the day. That is all I ask. I love being with him 24/7. I havent been apart from him for more than a couple hours since he was born. And certainly never overnight or for an entire day. I don’t plan on that changing any time soon. Maybe when I stop BF after he is a year old.

But this crib stuff has been a huge challenge. Yesterday he dozed off while eating. AFTER his morning crib nap, which lasted 30 minutes, leaving him exhausted still. I decided that I would put him on the floor instead of in his swing.

This was the result. So he was FINE with being on the floor, but not in his crib. He is seriously so silly. He does crack me up. I love him more than anything. Eventually he is going to be too large for this swing and he will just have to deal with napping elsewhere. Right now I get one nap in the morning in the crib. It varies from 30 minutes to about 2 hours. I must point out, he tends to do 2 hours when Jason is home and puts him down for that nap. He has done 1:50 minutes for me ONCE. lol that was earlier in this week. So just once. For me he normally doesn’t do longer than 50 minutes. But I take what I can get. If I wasn’t worried about the kitties trying to snuggle with him I would let him sleep on the floor like this and go about my business. I may start letting him do this while I sit in the living room with him. It could be a transition from the swing to a flat surface! One step at a time. That is my motto anyway. One crib nap in the morning is progress. We will work on the rest later down the road. He is a precious child and has a very strong personality already. I see so much of myself in him. So much! He does look rather cute napping on the floor though. I know there is no photo of a crib nap. But I would never risk waking him up during one by taking a photo 😉 He is in there now! I am off to take a shower, luxuriously!

Jackson is 4 months old today! How time flies! I am head over heels in love with him. He lights up my world every single day. I was looking at a photo of him on our fridge the other day. He was probably a few days, maybe a week old. He looks so different already! Jason and I discussed it last night. He is becoming this little person so very quickly.

  We are definitely loving all of it. He is so fun. He has the best sense of humor I have ever encountered. He just absolutely loves to laugh and smile. He had his 4 month checkup the other day. He is very tall, 26 inches. 88th percentile My hubby is 6’4. He is going to be as tall or taller than Daddy for sure. He is very skinny, 14lbs 3oz which puts him in the 27th percentile. Naturally my guilty momma brain pondered if he was so skinny because I am not feeding him enough. My mom quickly dispelled these thoughts of mine. She pointed out that Jason is tall and skinny, both of my brothers are tall and skinny, I am not a big person either. Genetically this kid had no chance of being too pudgy of a baby lol He just doesn’t have the genes on either side! Also, if there were an issue that the Dr would have discussed it with me. But they think he is doing just great. So I need not fret about anything. He is a healthy happy dooood!

We did get the A-ok to give him some solids if we want to. Sometimes he wants to eat every 2 hours still and that could mean that he is still a bit hungry. So I am contemplating making some rice cereal for him this weekend. I have to get a couple things before I do though, like a baby spoon! haha I found some recipes to make my own baby rice cereal. I plan to try that first. If it goes well then I wont have to buy premade stuff. I will definitely be making my own fruits and veggies.

He cracks me up. He has clear preferences in life already. He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. LOVES it. His little head will snap towards the tv if he hears ANY of the characters’ voices. Then he will stare at it, mouth agape. The TV is generally on during the day and he does not respond to other shows that way. I find it interesting because I want to support this love of his so much that I am not Mickey obsessed. Sure, I have always thought Disney movies were cute, but not like this. I am always looking for Mickey Mouse items for him. I want to plan a Disney trip (I know, a bit too soon for that!) I watch the same episodes over and over because HE loves it. The amount of love I have for his love is something new for me. That me first selfishness that most people have in general has vanished when it comes to him. It is all about what makes him happy first, and then me second. BUT I am happy when he is happy. If he is satisfied and having fun, then I too feel the same. What an incredible feeling it is. I found this new sleep bag outfit for him. I LOVE this hat. Too bad it is summer, because if it were winter still I would have it on him every time we left the house. I even said to Jason, “I wish I had known he would love Mickey so much because I would have made his room a Mickey theme!” I was very persnickety about his nursery. It is a brown/blue theme. The furniture had to be just so, the paint just so, etc. But the moment I realized that he loved something I threw out any of my preferences and wished I could have created it how he would like it. Being a mom has opened up a new world of perspective. It is less about what I like and more about what he likes. And for me, that is a big step. I may have had some selfish tendencies when it comes to things in my home. I just want things how I want things, normally. So this has been an incredible growth experience for me. I am loving it!

He also loves when I sing and dance. I have a terrible voice. I am not a good singer at all. I love to pretend that I am and belt out tunes often. I did a lot when pregnant and I still do. I just love singing, no matter how terrible I may be. I noticed early on that singing “You are my sunshine” relaxed him. So I sing it a lot. I dance terribly too. Jason calls me Elaine from Seinfeld. It is that terrible. In Jackson’s world, however, none of this is true. I am the bees knees when it comes to singing and dancing. He laughs and laughs if I do both for him. He just thinks it is the best. His little face lights up if I stand in front of him dancing and singing along to a song. Yesterday he even seemed to be singing along with me to some country tunes. He has a deep baby voice, so I often say that he is going to be a Country crooner like Josh Turner or that kid who just won American Idol, Scotty?

He is finally enjoying Gymboree. Three classes in a row have been a lot of fun. No fussing really and he laughs and pays attention to me. It is so incredible to see him develop. The Dr thought he was just great. He was talking, smiling, blowing raspberries, responding to me and the Dr, and moving around. He kept saying that people are going to love to be around him because he has such a great personality and is so handsome. Truer words have never been spoken! I am one incredibly lucky momma to have such a great boy as a son. We have so much fun every day. He even let me go shoe shopping yesterday and smiled and laughed. We are best friends.

These have been the best 4 months in my life. I look forward to each new day with him. Today we have swim. I have to start getting things together soon. I am not sure what we are doing for the rest of the day. It is going to be a hot one. I want to have a date with my two guys though. If I can convince the hubby to head to the mall I would like to take him to build a bear and make bears for him. It is his birthday after all!